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Two angry neighbors

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.

So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.

Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.

'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.

by (few years ago!) / 505 views
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First Cut si the Deepest

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, “Hey, what're you in for?”
“I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried,” said Tim.

“Oh, don't worry about it," Sammy said. "I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!”

“Oh yeah?'' replied Tim. “That's not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?”

“I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is,” Sammy answered.

“Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!”

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen?Eat out.

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Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good, but where is the wagon ?Pupil: The horse will draw it !

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

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Whats the difference between a lawyer and an onion?You cry when you cut up an onion.

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How is a marriage like a hot bath?A: Once you get used to it, its not so hot.

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Kitty Porn - Part I

It happens an estimated 2000 times a day, but this time, it's different. The picture shows a naked six-year-old, whom we will call Katrina, helplessly tied in thin blue yarn. And what is perhaps even more disturbing, the man distributing the picture is Katrina's legal guardian.

To this date, no legal action has been taken and Katrina is still in the custody of "Flea." Why has justice failed Katrina? Why has the law not intervened? The answer is simple: Katrina is a cat.

The problem is growing. Each day it is estimated that as many as twenty pictures of young cats go up on the Internet without their knowledge or consent. With a computer and phone line, anyone, even children, can easily find and view these pictures.

In fact, in a frightening new trend, children themselves are increasingly responsible for taking and distributing these startling pictures. What is to be done? Where does free speech end, and compassion begin?

In a recent study conducted by Johnny Little it is estimated that there are over a million billion pictures of cats on the Internet. That number is expected to rise by some 3,000,000% over the next year. Projections for the year 2,010 show that there will be more cat pictures on the internet than molecules of oxygen in the atmosphere.

Of course some critics have questioned Johnny's study pointing to the fact that Johnny is only ten and a half and call the study "dangerous, unfounded fiction" Supporters claim it's not dangerous at all. Both sides agree however that it would be impossible to come up with accurate numbers, so we'll use these.

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Who is Married? Little Johnny

"Teacher, I have a question for you," says little Johnny.

"If there are 3 women sitting in an ice cream parlor, and one is biting her ice cream cone, the second is licking her ice cream cone, and the third is sucking her ice cream cone, how can you tell which one is married?"

The teacher thought for a moment, and says "The one who is sucking her ice cream cone is the married one."

"Wrong," says Johnny, "you can tell which one is married by which one has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you think."

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Blonde jokes

What are the blondes first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"

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