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Short Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off.

by (few years ago!) / 604 views
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Dog jokes

When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do?Take the words right out of his mouth.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?""No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so special about it?""It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains."Whats it telling you now?" she asked."Well, it says youre not wearing any panties." he said.The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena ?I dont know but Ill join in if it laughs !

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons." True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous.

"But wait!" he cried. "This alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt anyone." However, the bartender is adamant. "If," the man continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?" "Well, I guess so," says the bartender. "However, you're going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame."

The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts. "Sit up." With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist. BANG. BANG. BANG. And the alligator rears up on its tail.

"Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. And the alligator opened its huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligatorÕs mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON'T BITE!" BANG. BANG. BANG. As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops just short of biting the guys d**k off.

The crowd sighs, and the man says, "Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. The alligatorÕs mouth opens wide again. "There," says the man to the crowd. Now would anyone else like to try this?"

A blonde in the back says, "Yeah, I'll try, but only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Whats a mans idea of honestly in a relationship?A. Telling you his real name.

by (few years ago!)
THREE BEERS


A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.

One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.

"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18"

The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!" The bartender asks "so which one died?"

"No one."

"But you only ordered two drinks!"

"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. Where have you been? asked the man. I cant believe you left me down there! I couldnt get the tailgate open!

by (few years ago!)
LIFE AS A MOLE


A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!"

The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!"

The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses...."

by (few years ago!)
Actual calls to technical support

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked.

Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5.25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3.5-inch disk drive on her computer. The technician said she had two options: Get a second disk drive, or use 3.5-inch diskettes. The customer called back later, now complaining that her disk drive was making a terrible noise. And this despite the fact that she was using a 3.5-inch diskette, she said. After a bunch of questions, the technician determined the caller had used a pair of scissors to trim the 5.25-inch diskettes to fit the 3.5-inch drive.

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

Freds class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York. "Did you enjoy yourself?" asked her mother when she got home. "Oh, yes," replied Fred. "But it was funny going to a dead zoo."

by (few years ago!)
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