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Short Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off.

by (few years ago!) / 548 views
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School jokes

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?Pupil: Dead?, I didnt even know he was sick!

by (few years ago!)
THE LITTLE PIGGIES HAVE A DRINK


Two little piggies walk into a bar, get drunk and ask the bartender, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender points to the door and they rush in.

Two more little piggies walk into a bar. They soon get drunk and they ask, "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender again points to the door and they both rush in.

One little piggy walks into a bar. He gets drunk out of his mind and then heads for the exit.

"Hey, buddy! Do you wanna know where the bathroom is?" says the bartender.

"No thanks," the piggy slurs, "I always go WEE WEE WEE all the way home!"

by (few years ago!)
What is the difference between men and women joke

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.

6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is the blondes chronic speech impediment?A: She cant say "No".

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Overheard in doctor's waiting room:

I used to watch golf on televison,
but my doctor said that I needed more exercise.
So now I watch tennis.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.""No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. Ive got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time a t all I can strip down the cars braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.""Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

by (few years ago!)
LEGLESS!

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 miles home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom.

When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Whats a mans idea of honestly in a relationship?A. Telling you his real name.

by (few years ago!)
THE CLINTON/POPE ADMIN FOUL UP


Bill Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, who checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged.

The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye to the Pope as he went off to heaven.

On his way up, the Pope met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

Clinton: No problem!

Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.

Clinton: Why is that? It's not that great.

Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

Clinton: Sorry, your Holiness - but you're about a day late.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

by (few years ago!)
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