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Short Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off.

by (few years ago!) / 581 views
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Similar Jokes

blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all went to an antique store and saw a beautiful old mirror. The lady working at the store said, "This is a magic mirror. You must say something true. And if it's true, your wish will come true. If it's not true, you will disappear."

The blonde, red head, and brunette decided to buy the mirror, and brought it home with them. First the red head walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world." Poof, she vanished.

Then the brunette walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world." Poof, she disappeared.

Then the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think ... " Then Poof, she disappeared.

by (few years ago!)
APPLIED MATHEMATICS


The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
4 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals,
so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons.
That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day!

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because shes happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

by (few years ago!)
A SNAKE IN A BAR

A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you."

"Why not?" asks the snake.

The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your beer..."

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

A Canadian, a Russian and an American all wanted to show off to each other so they each bought a new toilet. The Russian bought a wooden toilet, the Canadian bought a marble toilet, and the American bought a musical toilet.

The next day, the Canadian came back to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I use the toilet, I slip off of it."

The day after that, the Russian came to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit on the toilet I get splinters in my bottom."

The next day, the American came and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit down, I hear my national anthem and I have to stand up."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 6

What happened to the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

by (few years ago!)
A HANDFUL OF FAMOUS BEER QUOTES

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- Ernest Hemmingway

He was a wise man who invented beer.
- Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
- Catherine Zandonella

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
- David Daye

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
- George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.
- Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- Dean Martin

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons." True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous.

"But wait!" he cried. "This alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt anyone." However, the bartender is adamant. "If," the man continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?" "Well, I guess so," says the bartender. "However, you're going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame."

The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts. "Sit up." With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist. BANG. BANG. BANG. And the alligator rears up on its tail.

"Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. And the alligator opened its huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth. The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligatorÕs mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps. "Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON'T BITE!" BANG. BANG. BANG. As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops just short of biting the guys d**k off.

The crowd sighs, and the man says, "Ralph, open your mouth." BANG. BANG. BANG. The alligatorÕs mouth opens wide again. "There," says the man to the crowd. Now would anyone else like to try this?"

A blonde in the back says, "Yeah, I'll try, but only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How are men like noodles?They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

by (few years ago!)
DOES YOUR CAT OWN YOU?

See how many yes answers apply to you.

Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on your drapes or licks your butter?
Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?
Do you kiss your cat on the whiskers?
Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork?
Does your cat sleep on your head?
Do you like it?
Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?
Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?
Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?
Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas?

by (few years ago!)
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