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Blonde Swimmer

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms

by (few years ago!) / 652 views
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Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 5

A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.
"This be no ordinary pig" said the farmer. "For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!"
"And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned - knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire."
The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said "Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?"
"Well" said the farmer "when you've got an pig as good as that, you don't eat it all at once!"

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you call a handcuffed man?A. Trustworthy.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?A. A rebel without a clue!

by (few years ago!)
THREE DUMB BLONDES


There were three dumb blonde guys on an island who found an old pot and started rubbing at it, when suddenly out popped a genie. The genie told them that he only could grant 3 wishes so they would each get one.

The first guy asked the genie to make him smarter so he got turned into a red-head.

The second guy wanted to be even smarter than the first, so the genie turned him into a brunette.

Then the last guy wished to be even smarter than both his friends...

...so the genie turned him into a woman.

by (few years ago!)
Man

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A. A mechanic!

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he wentout and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might noticehim on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there wasthis bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. Thethe guys amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to thebum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy wentover to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off hisback. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of thisguy, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to getthe hell out of here!"

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining the day is young,
we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring
that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the
light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these
people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed
any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no
one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still mess on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...
13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...
15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs.
So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE
MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

by (few years ago!)
Bush Jokes About Daughter’s Texas Wedding

President Bush has started joking about the worst kept secret in the White House: the May 10 wedding in Central Texas of his daughter, Jenna.

Mr. Bush said Wednesday he's had to face some very difficult spending decisions and conduct what he calls "sensitive diplomacy."

"That's called planning for a wedding,” he said.

Mr. Bush's line got a laugh from his audience at the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce in Washington.

Jenna and her finance, Henry Hager, have decided to be wed at the first family's ranch near Crawford.

The White House has refused to release any details such as the setting on the ranch, who's invited and how many people will attend.

Mr. Bush's wife, Laura, has described the soon-to-be married couple as "soul mates" and has said the president likes Hager, a former commerce Department staffer who’s in the MBA program at Virginia’s Darden School.

He has an undergraduate degree from Wake Forest University.

The two have been dating for several years.

Hager’s father is a former lieutenant governor of Virginia and serves as chairman of the state’s Republican party.

The Central Texas Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure will be moved up one week from May 10 to May 3 because the original date fell on the same day as the wedding.

Thousands of runners and walkers participate in the local race, which started in 2001.

But hotel and motel space are likely to be at a premium on the weekend of the wedding, and because many officials may be in town for the ceremony, security may also be an issue.

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes:

biology teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked. One bright boy raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whisky and you won't get worms."

by (few years ago!)
wedding jokes & humour

Welcome to the hitched wedding jokes and humour section. Here you will find the best of the wedding jokes and humor around with links to classic best man stories and sections for only the bride and groom to read. These wedding jokes could be great included in a best man or chief bridesmaid/matron of honour speech.

If you have any other wedding jokes then please let us know and we will include them in the site.

by (few years ago!)
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