Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

20 Fun Things For Professors To Do

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises

2. After confirming everyones names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.

3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.

5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor cant hear you, youll have to ask me, Winky Willy."

7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"

8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."

9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin Bird."

10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.

11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.

13. Announce "youll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.

14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.

15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Browns "Sex Machine."

16. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering Simps would know," and move on before anyone can answer.

17. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.

19. Address students as "worm."

20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.

by (few years ago!) / 648 views
(Not Rated Yet)

Similar Jokes


There is a guy and his favourite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. On this particular day the bar is closed when he arrives so he waits outside for it to open.

He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?"

The guy innocently replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "What now?" asked the bartender.

"I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.

by (few years ago!)

A truck driver was tooling down the highway one afternoon and heard a "pop." Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he steered the rig onto the shoulder and walked back to check his tires.
He found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out.

The genie said, "Man, I'm too old for this! You get one wish -- not three -- just one."

The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, "It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble."

The genie said, "Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can't you come up with something simpler?"

The driver replied, "How about if you make all the blondes as smart as brunettes?"

The genie shook his head vigorously and answered, "How wide would you like those bridges?"

by (few years ago!)

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"

And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"

And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes\

Did you hear about the terrorist
that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?

The terrorist threatened to release one lawyer every hour
if his demands weren't met.

Now that lawyers can advertise, says one reporter,
you had better brace yourself for the
following pitch from one who specializes in divorces:
"Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back. "

by (few years ago!)
Kitty Porn - Part III

We tried to contact Fuzzy Love, but she had no comment. This was partly due to shame and unwillingness to endure further exposure, and partly because, like most cats, Fuzzy Love can't talk.

This is the true tragedy. While we labor to protect our freedom of speech, who will protect those that cannot speak. Such spokes-creatures for the feline community such as Purdy, who writes the very successful column "Ask Purdy" have been strangely silent on the subject. Of course many people feel that animal pundits such as Purdy are mere pawns themselves and are being controlled by other interests. We asked Purdy for his comment, but so far we have received no reply.

Part of the problem lies in the availability and design of computers. Not enough effort is being made to empower the feline community. They have no voice, they are shut off and isolated. They are part of something they do not understand and cannot participate in. They have no power to change the Net. Of course there are more cats with access to computers than women, minorities, and economically depressed people. But that's not really saying much is it? Until the Web embraces everyone equally, the problems of exploitation will continue.

Although legislation against posting cat pictures is an option, a more intriguing option has been suggested in a report published by the Coalition of Those Attempting to Think Clearly and Probably Failing.

"Society should spend a lot more time trying to educate and help people stay mentally and physically healthy instead of making them sick and then trying to stop them from hurting each other. If we must pass laws about pornography on the Internet, we advise a law that requires EVERYONE on the internet to post a pornographic picture of themselves. We don't know if that would solve the problem, but it would sure be interesting."

For more information, smell the third step outside your house.

by (few years ago!)
15 Ways to be Annoying

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.

2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.

3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a "spider person."

4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: "Don't let him in! He's the killer!"

5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.

6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: "I hope I fixed it this time."

7) Beep when a large person backs up.

8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the "little men."

9) Insist on making inanimate objects "dance"

10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.

11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.

12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car.

13) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.

14) While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises.

15) Insist that life is "one big musical," then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, Ive had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard.Well, you know how she is. "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her. "You were perfectly right. "You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room: "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 2

Marriage - Female going from lipstick to broomstick.

by (few years ago!)
Mix Up at the Hospital

This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.

All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.

Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.

"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"

"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes


Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes





A Blonde Suicide

ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context