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20 Fun Things For Professors To Do

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises

2. After confirming everyones names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.

3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.

5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor cant hear you, youll have to ask me, Winky Willy."

7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"

8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."

9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin Bird."

10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.

11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.

13. Announce "youll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.

14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.

15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Browns "Sex Machine."

16. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering Simps would know," and move on before anyone can answer.

17. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.

19. Address students as "worm."

20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.

by (few years ago!) / 636 views
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