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Train

2 blondes walk into the forest and stop at some tracks one of the blondes say those are bear tracks the other blonde says no those r dear tracks 1/2 hour later they were both killed by a train

by (few years ago!) / 6415 views
(Rated 3 Stars - 2 votes)
 

Similar Jokes

WEST VIRGINIA


Two West Virginia lawyers hired a secretary from a small town in the hills. She was attractive, but it was obvious that she knew nothing about city life.

One attorney said to the other, "Mary is so young and pretty she might be taken advantage of by some of those fast-talking city guys. Why don't we teach her what's right and what's wrong?"

"Great idea," said the partner. You teach her what's right."

by (few years ago!)
BEYOND ALL TRACK RECORDS

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why are blondes like corn flakes?A: Because theyre simple, easy and they taste good

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

A young man was out walking his dog in the park, when a beautiful young woman stopped to admire the animal.

"What's your dog's name?" she asked flirtatiously.

"Herpes," replied the dog's owner.

"How odd!" exclaimed the woman. "Why in the world did you name your dog Herpes?"

The young man replied, "Because he just won't heel."


by (few years ago!)
You Might Be An Engineering Major

1. If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

2. If you enjoy pain.

3. If you know vector calculus but you cant remember how to do long division.

4. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

5. If youve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

6. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

7. If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

8. If you always do homework on Friday nights.

9. If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

10. If you think in "math."

11. If youve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

12. If you hesitate to look at something because you dont want to break down its wave function.

13. If you have a pet named after a scientist.

14. If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

15. If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodingers Cat experiment.

16. If you can translate English into Binary.

17. If you cant remember whats behind the door marked "exit" in the computing center.

18. If you have to bring a jacket with you in the middle of summer because theres a wind-chill factor in the lab.

19. If you are completely addicted to caffeine.

20. If you avoid doing anything because you dont want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

21. If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

22. If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

23. If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

24. If youll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.

by (few years ago!)
THE KIDS BITE BACK


Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

What lights up a football stadium ?A football match !

by (few years ago!)
THE KENNEDY/LINCOLN CONSPIRACY THEORY

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were succeeded by Southerners called Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names, each consisting of 15 letters in total.

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

and finally....
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

by (few years ago!)
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

by (few years ago!)
THE GIANT GORILLA

There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock.

But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur.

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, “Why can't I touch its fur?” as their didnt seem to be anything wrong with it.

Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldnt understand until, about a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla.

He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went ape and started to jump around, then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into some one else's sports car and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in its own sports car, driving right behing him.

He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden and up the apple tree.

He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back in to the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla.

The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shaddow coming down the street ahead.

The gorilla!

It came to the end of the alley, stood and looked striaght into the bloodshoot eyes of the man and came towards him slowly.

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint.

The giant beast came face to face with him, raised its mighty hand and said, “Tag! You're it!”

by (few years ago!)
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