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2 blondes walk into the forest and stop at some tracks one of the blondes say those are bear tracks the other blonde says no those r dear tracks 1/2 hour later they were both killed by a train

by (few years ago!) / 5429 views
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Important Legal Terminology

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, we call him a defense attorney.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?Both of them.

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

Then enter: ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter: ms.nodarn.good/tryagain\again/again.darnit

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Turkey is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after 2000. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What dogs are best for sending telegrams Wihaired terriers.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Why dont lawyers play hide-and-seek?Nobody will look for them.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Three blondes are stranded on an island. A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes herhair color to black and she says," Lets go over the bridge."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

There are three blondes stranded on a small island, when they happen to discover a lamp. On one side of the lamp it says, "Rub here for three wishes." So they rub the lamp, and a genie pops out and says, "I will give you each one wish."

The first blonde wishes to be a brunette. She then swims across the small lake.

The second blonde wishes to be a red head. She gets in a boat and rows across the small lake.

Then the third blonde wishes to be a man. He walks across the bridge.

by (few years ago!)

A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out.

Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before.

About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!'

The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what's happening.

She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen.

She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Little Monster: I hate my teacher.Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!

by (few years ago!)
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