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Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom While the crowd was doing the wave two blondes drowned

by (few years ago!) / 5651 views
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Animal jokes

Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane. Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did, however, pass on one key piece of information.
"We are a religious family, Mr.Marlow, and we've instilled those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you must say 'Thanks God' to get him to stop you must say 'Our Father Who Art in Heaven,"
Settling into the saddle, Marlow said " Thanks God," and the animal took off. They rode for miles; suddenly they were coming up to a cliff. Unfortunately, Marlow couldn't remember the phrase to make the animal stop and tried every Biblical passage he could think of until, just a few feet from the edge of the cliff, he shouted, " Our Father Who Art in Heaven! The animal stopped instantly. Shaking and perspiring, Marlow reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. "Thanks God," he said as he mopped his brow...

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 2

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of the swimming pool.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why dont blondes like buttered toast?A: They cant figure out which side the butter goes on.

by (few years ago!)
High Monkey

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! What are you doing? The monkey says, Smoking a joint. Come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry, and
that hes going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned
lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, Whats the matter with you?

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in! The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out.

He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says, Hey, MONKEY!

The Monkey looks down and says WOOOO, DUUUUDE . . . How much water did you drink?

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why are blondes like corn flakes?A: Because theyre simple, easy and they taste good

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A little kid comes running into the backyard.He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!""Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please dont make me smile."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 9

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

by (few years ago!)
POLITICS ON THE FARM

Two farmers were discussing politics and the first one says: "I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal."

"Well" replied the other farmer "I'm not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you'd give me one?"

"Of course" says the first.

The second farmer continued: "and of you had two cars, you'd give me one of them too?"

"absolutely"

"So" says the second farmer, "if you had two pigs then you'd give me one of them?"

"ah, now hang on a minute" says the first, "you know I've got two pigs!"

by (few years ago!)
Crazy Patients

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.

He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.

The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.

Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infants weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "That wont work," countered the woman. "Im not the mother, Im the aunt."

by (few years ago!)
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