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Blonde jokes

Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom While the crowd was doing the wave two blondes drowned

by (few years ago!) / 4583 views
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Blonde jokes

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde and the Western

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on.

The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," "You're on," returned his wife.

They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead.

The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food.

After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie before."

She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too.

But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."

by (few years ago!)
Taming The Lion

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, Im not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or youre history. Heres your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?

The girl says, Ill go first. She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lions cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

by (few years ago!)
A BIZARRE INTERVIEW TECHNIQUE

A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group." The man says O.K.

He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.

The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."

As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

by (few years ago!)
A LITTLE MONKEY BUSINESS


A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please".

The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey, most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shop keeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff."

The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000.

He gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

"Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it actually does anything, but says it's a Consultant."

by (few years ago!)
How have times changed?

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.

Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all!

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

My computer isnt that nervous. Its just a bit ANSI.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopeys alive!"

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?Paul gas coin!

by (few years ago!)
THE SMALL TOWN WITNESS

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!

by (few years ago!)
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