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Blonde jokes

Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom While the crowd was doing the wave two blondes drowned

by (few years ago!) / 4916 views
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How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."

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Science teacher: What happened when electricity was first discovered? Fred: Someone got a nasty shock.

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How can you tell a dog from a tomato?The tomato is red.

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Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 4

One time this blonde girl was at a vending machine. She would stick a quarter in, push the button, and a soda would come out and she would put it on the top. She did this a few more times before a man asked why she kept doing this, and she said, "Because I'm winning."

by (few years ago!)
Get caught sleeping at work?



"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

"I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."

"Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine is broken..."

"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

" ... in Jesus' name. Amen."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is a dog who crosses the street twice in an hour?A double crosser.

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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. Whats the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000." "Gee, thats tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder youre depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?Q. They think their picture is being taken.

by (few years ago!)
I get so drunk that I imagine things

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

by (few years ago!)
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