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Blonde jokes

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"The blonde replies Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid

by (few years ago!) / 6179 views
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BACK ON THE GOLF COURSE

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant for the second time?A: She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.

Add to del.icio.

by (few years ago!)
A NEW SPORT?


First man: My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.

Second man: Well, that's nice. It shows that she has your interests at heart. Did she make any suggestions?

First man: As a matter of fact, she did. By the way, how do you play this Russian Roulette?

by (few years ago!)
AFTER THE TOP TEN LINES FROM INTERNET CHAT ROOMS

You're different... I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.

2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile... but tell me more about yourself.

3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited.

4 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!

5 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.

6 Yes of course I'm female...

7 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.

8 No this is my only screen name... You mean you can have more then one?

9 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)

10 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I'm horny and could care less, just type

by (few years ago!)
FARMER JOE FEELS FINE

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"

"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.

Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.

"Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.

He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to thedoctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me thefirst time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctorreplied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and saysomething to her. If she doesnt reply move about 5 feet close and say itagain. Keep doing this so that well get an idea about the severity of herdeafness".Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. Hestarts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is choppingsome vegetables and says, "Honey, whats for dinner?" He hears no response.He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feetcloser. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, aboutan inch away, and asks again, "Honey, whats for dinner?"She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

by (few years ago!)
Computer & IT Jokes

Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."

Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."

Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."

Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."

Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."

Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Thats where you wash all your vegetables!

by (few years ago!)
THE SPEEDY SNAIL

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.

After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"


by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

by (few years ago!)
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