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Blonde jokes

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"The blonde replies Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid

by (few years ago!) / 6810 views
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"Are you a member of any organized political party?" "No. Im a Republican."

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What is the dogs favourite city ?New Yorkie !

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A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. Priest: Sister, I dont think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. Ill sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, Im terribly cold. Priest: Okay, Ill get you a blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later...Nun: Father, Im still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, Ill get you another blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, Im still terribly cold. I dont think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wif e just for this one night.Priest: Youre probably right...get up and get your own blanket.

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How are men like noodles?They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

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Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 3

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
He replied "Sure!"
Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"

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What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road? Look out for the mice!

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Marriage jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?A. Theyre hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they dont work.

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Lawyer jokes

Three surgeons were discussing which types of patients they preferred to operate on. Doctor Waters said, "I prefer librarians. All of their organs are alphabetized."

Doctor Franklin replied, "I prefer mathematicians because all of their organs are numbered."

Lastly, Doctor Zang responded, "I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable."


by (few years ago!)
THE KENNEDY/LINCOLN CONSPIRACY THEORY

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were succeeded by Southerners called Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names, each consisting of 15 letters in total.

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

and finally....
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The trucks driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her whats so funny. The blonde giggled and replied, "When you werent looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

by (few years ago!)
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