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Blonde jokes

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"The blonde replies Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid

by (few years ago!) / 5694 views
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A DROP IN SALARY PERHAPS


A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas."

He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free".

He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and with his wife. She said "And just where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going too!!" he replied.

"Why?" She asked.

"I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year"

by (few years ago!)
TALES FROM THE GOLF COURSE


One day a man was out playing golf, when he sliced his shot off into a patch of buttercups. Rather disgusted with himself, he went in search of his ball. After finding it, he was ready to hit the ball back on the fairway when he heard a voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups". Startled, he looked around to find the source of the voice to no avail.

Again the man prepared to hit his golf ball and again he heard the voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups". This time when the man looked to find the source of the voice, he saw a small leprechaun standing by him.

The little man spoke to the man and said, "Please sir, if you will kindly pick up your ball and throw it up onto the fairway instead of hitting it with your club, I will reward you with a year's supply of butter for free".

The man thought about the offer for a minute then replied, "That's a fine offer, but I have but one question for you, where were you last week when I hit my ball into the pussywillows?"

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !

by (few years ago!)
Throwing away garbage

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from His recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn`t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, Hey you, what are you doing?
I have to throw this away, replied the tourist.
You can`t throw it away here. Look, follow me, the policeman offered.
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. Here, said the cop, dump all the garbage you want.
The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.
Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy? asked the tourist.
No. This is the American Embassy.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks tohis wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take tosay "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "Im sorry" ?

by (few years ago!)
Doctors talk Politics

An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day."

by (few years ago!)
Miscellaneous Jokes And Funny Stories

A man was sitting on a bus chewing gum and staring vacantly into space. Suddenly the old woman sitting opposite him said, "It's no good you talking to me young man, I'm stone deaf

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

Twenty-four hours in a day... twenty-four beers in a case... coincidence?

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

How did the dogs owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast?He foamed at the mouth.

by (few years ago!)
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