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Blonde jokes

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"The blonde replies Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid

by (few years ago!) / 5412 views
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Similar Jokes

Blonde jokes

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog ?Chump chops !

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

"The same guy who removes
the cigarette butts from the urinal,
also puts the ice in your drinks."

After a few beers, Bill and Phil both head to the mens' room.

Bill said to Phil, "I wish I had one like my cousin Ralph. He needs four fingers, to hold his."

"You're holding yours with four fingers now," replied Phil.

"Yeah, but I'm peeing on three of 'em!" complained Bill.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadnt thought about normal tricks. "Well," they said, "lets try this out." Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearl y pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the mans forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

by (few years ago!)
The ad in the local newspaper read: "Purebred Police Dog

Thinking that to be a great bargain, Mrs. Claudette Ramsey ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van pulled up and left her the scruffiest, mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.

In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad. "What do you mean by calling that mangy mutt a purebred police dog?"

"Don't be deceived by his looks, Ma'am," the man replied. "He's in the Secret Service."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain andAbel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boysasked, "Whats that?" Adam replied, "Boys, thats where your mother ateus out of house and home."

by (few years ago!)
HIDDEN TALENTS


These two buddies are sitting at the bar in a singles' club and talking about another guy sitting at the other end of the bar.

"I don't get it," complained the first guy, "He's not good looking, he has absolutely no taste in clothes, and he drives a beat up wreck of a car, yet he always manages to go home with the most beautiful women here!"

"Yeah," replies his buddy, "He's not even a very good conversationally, all he does is sit there and lick his eyebrows.

by (few years ago!)
THE MAGICAL DANCING DUCK

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

by (few years ago!)
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