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Blonde jokes

A man works in the operations department of a large bank Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said Ive got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown

by (few years ago!) / 4758 views
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RIDING A HORSE

One day a blonde was horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started going too fast and bouncing out of control. The blonde tried with all her might to hang on, but soon was thrown off.

With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse would not stop or even slow down. Just as the blonde was about to give up hope and was losing consciousness...

The K-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse

by (few years ago!)
Job Interview

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"

The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"

The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

by (few years ago!)
ARRIVING AT THE PEARLY GATES


Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment.

The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations."

St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why is a dog so warm in Summer?He wears a coat and pants.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How are men like noodles?They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

by (few years ago!)
THE DRINKS ARE ON ME


This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, "A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you're at it, have one yourself."

"Well thank you sir," says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.

Moments later the guy shouts, "Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else."

The bartender looks a little worried now and says, "Excuse me sir, but don't you think you should pay me for that last round first?"

The guy slurs, "I can't. I don't have any money." With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar.

About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, "A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends."

"I suppose you'll be offering me a drink too?" the barman asks, marvelling at the guy's nerve.

"Not likely," slurs the guy, "you get nasty when you've had a drink!"

by (few years ago!)
A DUCK AND A BAR

There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, "can I help you"?

The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar and we don't sell raisins." The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!

The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him? The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO this is a BAR we don't sell raisins!" So the duck walked out again and left. He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again!
The duck yelled at the bartender, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there."

The duck said, "ok", and left.

The next day came and sure enough the duck came back except he only peeped his head inside the door. He said, "quack, quack, got any nails?"

The bartender replied, "No!"

The duck said "Good, then you got any raisins?"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney,feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle ofhundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied."The judgell kill me. Trying to bribe him! Were dead!""I dont think so," his attorney told him. "I sent it in the other lawyers name!"

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked."Carefully," replied the vet.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do men act like idiots?Who says theyre acting?

by (few years ago!)
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