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Blonde jokes

A man works in the operations department of a large bank Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said Ive got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown

by (few years ago!) / 4871 views
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Sports jokes

Atlanta Falcons = Atlanta Fellcons
New Orleans Saints = New Orleans Aint's
Los Angeles Rams = Los Angeles Lambs
San Francisco 49ers = San Francisco Whiners

Chicago Bears = Chicago Fairs
Detroit Lions = Detroit Cryin's = Detroit Kittens
Green Bay Packers = Green Bay Slackers = Green Bay Whackers
Minnesota Vikings = Minnesota Tykes = Minnesota ViQueens
Tampa Bay Buccaneers = Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

Arizona Cardinals = Arizona Tardynals
Dallas Cowboys = Dallas Cowgirls = Dallas Cowpie
New York Giants = New York Midgets
Philadelphia Eagles = Philadelphia Beagles
Washington Redskins = Washington Deadskins = Washington Foreskins

Carolina Panthers = Carolina Can't-thers
Jacksonville Jaguars = Jacksonville Saguars

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

I'm tired. For a couple years, I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out it ain't that. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country (the USA) is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

This leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

Boy Oh Boy . . . And you're sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm tired, I'm the only one working.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?A: They both have black roots.

by (few years ago!)
Being Poisoned!

A man goes to see the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for over three hours. You want my advice?"

The man anxiously says, "Yes."

"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

by (few years ago!)
TOP TEN TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING

Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.

Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? - A: It stole the show!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?A. Wave at her.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

The brain is a wonder ful thingWhy do you say that ? Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class !

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since Im the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane."Im the worlds greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane."Im the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.""You dont have to stay here! The worlds smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

by (few years ago!)
Porch or Lexus?

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said,Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

$50″ she replies

The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The mans wife overheard their conversation and asked him if she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. She should. She was standing on it

A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. Youve finished already? the man asked.

Yeah, and i had paint left over so i gave two coats.

Impressed the man reaches for the money. And by the way, the blonde added, its not a porch. Its a Lexus.

by (few years ago!)
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