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Blonde jokes

A man works in the operations department of a large bank Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said Ive got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown

by (few years ago!) / 6583 views
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Similar Jokes

Burned Blonde

A blonde with red ears went to the doctors office. What happened to your ears asked the doctor. the blonde replies I was ironing my pants when the phone rang and instead of the phone i accidentally picked up the iron. then What Happened to the other ear asked the doctor. the son of a bitch called back said the blonde.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner – to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.

While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job – to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner was pleased with the man’s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo’s beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything.

The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents “what’s the food like here?” One of the zoo’s resident lions said, “Oh, it’s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend said, "O.K. then, whats the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, thats so easy! F."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?A: Hes the stiff one

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed?She couldnt find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush.The phone was now working fine--except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.A repairman arrived within the hour!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought -- I cant figure out how to get started."Her friend asks, "Whats the puzzle of?""From the picture on the box, Id guess its a tiger," replied the blonde.The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table.He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, "Im afraid that no matter what I do, Im not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box.""Why not?" asks the disappointed blonde."Because, you didnt buy a jigsaw puzzle... what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes."

by (few years ago!)
TOP TEN TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING

Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.

Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously

by (few years ago!)
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