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Blonde jokes

A man works in the operations department of a large bank Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said Ive got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown

by (few years ago!) / 5446 views
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Blonde jokes

How did the blonde die drinking milk?A: The cow fell on her.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

"I bet you dont know what day this is", said the wife toher husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker:"Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that,he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work.At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened thedoor, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmedred roses.At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favoritechocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designerdress. The woman couldnt wait for her husband to come home.The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfiedthat he had recovered what could have been a very badsituation. His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then thechocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "Ive neverhad a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

by (few years ago!)
Comfortable Telegram

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the brunette tells her sister, "Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left, meaning she'll only be able to send her sister a one-word message.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word...'comfortable'."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slowly...out loud... ("com-for-da-bul")."

by (few years ago!)
educational jokes

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured ex actly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. The three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your dog do?". The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff!". Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home on sick leave.

by (few years ago!)
Too much speeding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections fromall the private businesses that they were protecting. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deafperson for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldnt be able tocommunicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends someof their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deafcollector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector cantcommunicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is."The interpreter signs, "Wheres the money?" r The deaf replies, "I dont know what youre talking about." Theinterpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesnt know what youretalking about." The hood pulls out a large gun and places it in the ear of the deafcollector. "NOW ask him where the money is." The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in thethird tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate ." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesnt know whatyoure talking about, and doesnt think you have the guts to pull thetrigger."

by (few years ago!)
Inflation

A stagecoach bounced down a rutted road, heading for Dallas. In the coach were a Texan, a very busty lady, and a greenhorn from the East. The greenhorn kept eyeing the lady. Finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you ten dollars for a blowjob."

The Texan was appalled. He pulled out his pistol, shot the greenhorn right between the eyes, and shoved his body out the door. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, sir, for defending my honor!"

The Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! Just trying to keep down inflation. Around here, a blowjob goes for two dollars."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "Ill have a glass of blood," the first replied. "Ill have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second. "Ill have a glass of plasma," said the third. "OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "Thatll be two bloods and a blood light?"

by (few years ago!)
SPECIAL BLONDE DIET

blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."

"No, from all that skipping."

by (few years ago!)
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