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Blonde jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosur fossils had been found in the area The blonde exclaimed Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway.

by (few years ago!) / 5568 views
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Good News Bad News

God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"

Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."

God says, "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. You'll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."

Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what's the bad news?"

God says, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Whats the difference between a blonde and a computer?A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: Whats the Blondes cheer?A: " Im blonde, Im blonde, Im B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. Im blonde, Im blonde, yea yea yea..."

by (few years ago!)
THREE BASSKETBALL FANS


Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body.

He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."

by (few years ago!)
Little Old Lady Knows How to Gamble

A little old lady went into the Bank
of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the
president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's
office.

The bank president then asked her
how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash
out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by
all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash
around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked,
"Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet
you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president,
"That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady
challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the
president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady
then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer
with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident
president.

That night, the president got very
nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls,
turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was
sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's
balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him
to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady
peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well,
Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be
absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the
lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady,
"What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing,
except I bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the Bank of Canada's
balls in my hand."

by (few years ago!)
Self Help

When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that, probably, the printer only needed to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

by (few years ago!)
A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR...


Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper. The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse, who proffers a ten dollar bill for it.

Now the barman figures the horse isn't that bright, so he decides to pull the old 'short-change' trick on him. He duly goes back to the horse with 1 dollar. The horse doesn't say a word.

The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes up to the bar to order another. The bartender says to him, "Y'know, we don't get many horses in here."

To which the horse replies, "At nine dollars a beer, I'm not surprised!"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 2

A man and tall brown bear wearing a hat go into a bar.
Man: I'll have a pint of beer, and the bear'll have a large Matabooboo.
Bartender: What's a Matabooboo?
Bear: Nuttin' Yogi.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club."Youll be driving later," replies the bartender.

by (few years ago!)
Computer Valentine

10 Reasons why you should have make a computer your valentine!

1. A Computer can wait for you forever.

2. A Computer does not compare you with it’s past users

3. A Computer does not mind if you have a Computer at home and in the office.

4. A Computer won’t say lets just be friends.
5. You can mute the computer whenever you want.

6. It’s easy to turn on a computer.

7. You never have to say sorry no matter what you do to it.

8. You don’t have to give it expensive Valentine gifts, New Year gifts, Birthday gifts, Anniversary gifts.

9. You can upgrade your computer if you are not satisfied with its performance or specifications.

10. Theres always Ctrl + Alt + Del

by (few years ago!)
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