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Blonde jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosur fossils had been found in the area The blonde exclaimed Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway.

by (few years ago!) / 6088 views
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Similar Jokes

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde sky diving team?A: A new version of the lawn darts game.

by (few years ago!)
THE GREAT BLONDE KIDNAP


A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS"."G.O.O.D" answered his wife.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "That'd be my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four-week-old puppy."

"How could your puppy kill my Doberman?" roared the biker.

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What did the dog do when the panhandler put the bite on him?Bit him, naturally.

by (few years ago!)
DON'T I LOOK LIKE A COUNT?

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enroled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

by (few years ago!)
A PIED PIPER VARIATION


A man was looking around a small gift shop when he came across an amazingly ugly statue of a rat. As he was staring at this statue, the shopkeeper came up to him and began to speak.

"Sir, I couldn't help but notice your interest in the statue. It's only five dollars, sir, but the story behind it will cost you fifty." The man turned back around and looked in shock.

"Let me get this straight. If I buy the statue and the story behind it, I'll be paying fifty-five dollars. But if I can bear to live without the story, I'll only pay five?" The Shopkeeper grinned and nodded. Not believing what a bargain he'd got, the man quickly paid and walked out of the store.

A few moments later, he noticed that a lone rat was following him. He shrugged, and ignored the rodent, hoping it would leave. When he looked back again, some five minutes later, he saw that the number of rodents had grown to maybe fifty rats. A little nervous, he turned back to his path and continued walking.

When he looked around the third time, he saw thousands of rats following him. Horribly frightened, the man rushed to a dock overlooking the ocean and threw the statue as far out to sea as he possibly could. The rats followed the statue, sinking into the waves like stones.

The man then rushed back to the shop, elated, panicked, and still in shock. When he burst through the door, the shopkeeper gave a little chuckle. He had a smug grin on his face as he said, "I expect you've come back to buy the story." The shopkeeper held out his hand for the fifty dollars.

The customer looked confused for a second, then said. "Hell no! I wanna know if you've got a statue of a lawyer!"

by (few years ago!)
Email Commandments

E-MAIL COMMANDMENTS

Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.

Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.

Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it.

Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.

Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.

Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS.

Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.

Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work.

Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose.

When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

And, the Golden Rule of email:
That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

by (few years ago!)
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