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Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure Why, officer asks the blonde Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus

by (few years ago!) / 4626 views
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I just needed to use your car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry. No pets allowed."

The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.

The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"

The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years!"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

What business is King Kong in? Monkey business.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

The man pays for his animals and begins to walk home. Along the way, the donkey stops and doesn't move.

The man has his arms full with the rooster and pullet, and stops a woman who was passing by. He says, "Pardon me, would you mind holding my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

by (few years ago!)
THE BUFFALO THEORY

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!

by (few years ago!)
BAR JOKES - WALKE IN A BAR

A cowboy walks into a saloon bar and orders a large bourbon. Finishing his drink, he turns to the face the guy playing the piano, takes out his gun, shoots the music papers into the air, shoots the guys hat off and finally shoots the lid down trapping the poor guys fingers, before a flash spin with the gun and puts it back in its holster.

"Brilliant shooting" says the bartender, "Mind if I look at your gun?"
Another flashy spin brings the gun into the bartenders hands. "Nice tool, but if I were you I would file off the sight, all the rough edges, and where your name is in diamonds on the handle, make it all nice and smooth?"

"What the hell for?" asks the cowboy.
"Well see that piano player?" says the bartender, " He is Billy the Kid, and when his hands are better he is going to ram that gun up where the sun don't shine."

by (few years ago!)
Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories

What do you call a woman who goes into a bar and starts to juggle with the drinks?
Beatrix (beer tricks).

by (few years ago!)
Animal Jokes

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club?"Were the crowd not behind you" asked the reporter"They were right behind me all right", said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"

by (few years ago!)
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