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Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure Why, officer asks the blonde Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus

by (few years ago!) / 5142 views
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School jokes

What was King Arthurs favourite game?Knights and crosses!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes? A: Gives em something to do on Saturday night

by (few years ago!)
The tradition at weddings

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

by (few years ago!)
Ten little gigabytes

Ten little gigabytes, waiting on line one caught a virus, then there were nine. Nine little gigabytes, holding just the date, someone jammed a write protect, then there were eight. Eight little gigabytes, should have been eleven, then they cut the budget, now there are seven. Seven little gigabytes, involved in mathematics stored an even larger prime, now there are six. Six little gigabytes, working like a hive, one died of overwork, now there are five. Five little gigabytes, trying to add more plugged in the wrong lead, now there are four. Four little gigabytes, failing frequently, one used for spare parts, now there are three. Three little gigabytes, have too much to do service man on holiday, now there are two. Two little gigabytes, badly overrun, took the work elsewhere, now just need one. One little gigabyte, systems far too small shut the whole thing down, now theres none at all.

by (few years ago!)
I'm just trying to be helpful

good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".

Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.

Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man.

He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"

by (few years ago!)
Sleeping in Church

Wilma and her husband Barney go to church every Sunday, and during the service Barney falls asleep. One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do. The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it everytime he falls asleep.
The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior? Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!!Soon after that he goes back to sleep. The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father? Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!!and goes back to sleep. The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time? Wilma pricks him with the needle again and he yells:IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because shes happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Why do teachers use a bamboo cane?Because when the cane goes bam the child goes boo!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito? A.) She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head.

by (few years ago!)
A cat goes to Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, Youve been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.

The cats says, Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors. God says, Say no more. And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, All our lives weve had to run. Weve been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldnt have to run anymore. God says, Say no more. And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

How are you doing? Are you happy here?

The cat yawns and stretches and says, Oh, Ive never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels youve been sending over are the best!

by (few years ago!)
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