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Blonde jokes

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by nand she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said Well, Im done with the Wal Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart

by (few years ago!) / 4846 views
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Jokes about God & Religion

A little boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?" His mother says," God is bothe male and female." The little boy is still confused and asks his mother, "Is God black or white?" His mother says, "God is both black and white." The confused little boy asks again, "Is God gay or straight?" The mother replies, "God is both gay and straight!" The little boy is really confused and asks his mother, "Is God Michael Jackson?"

by (few years ago!)
BLOWING CHUNKS


A man walks into a bar acting really weird. He sits down and the man next to him asks, "What's wrong buddy?"

The man replied, "I've been blowing chunks all night!"

The man next to him replies, "Well that's not that bad, you just had to much to drink."

The man then said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueacross the street from each other. Since their schedulesintertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.So they did. They drove it home and parked it in thestreet between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw thepriest sprinkling water on their new car. It didnt needa wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he wasdoing. "Im blessing it" the priest replied.The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue.He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to thecar and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

by (few years ago!)
Wedding Jokes

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What side of the dog has the most fur? - A: The Outside.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A man happened upon a friend of his while walking down a suburban street. The man noticed that his friend's car was total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. So, the man asked his friend, "What in the world happened to your car?"

"Well," the friend said, "I ran into a lawyer."

"Okay," said the man, "that explains the blood. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and all of the dirt?"

His friend replied, "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

by (few years ago!)
The hot shot

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

by (few years ago!)
The Accident

This morning on the way to work, I rear-ended a car at some lights whilst not really paying attention.

Anyway the fella who was driving got out... and he was a dwarf!

He walked up to me and said, "I'm not happy..."

I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?Put him in your back yard.

by (few years ago!)
Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, Im so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died.
The man was very upset and yelled, You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldnt come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.

The brother thought about it and apologized.

So hows Mom? asked the man.

Shes on the roof and wont come down.

by (few years ago!)
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