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Blonde jokes

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by nand she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said Well, Im done with the Wal Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart

by (few years ago!) / 6918 views
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Wedding Jokes

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up,

by (few years ago!)
FASCINATING


A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."

Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."

So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her tit's are so big she could only fasten eight

by (few years ago!)
Computer Term Dictionary

586:
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art:
Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete:
Any computer you own.

Microsecond:
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3:
Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error:
Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive:
The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced "gooey"):
What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard:
The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse:
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy:
The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer:
A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash:
A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update:
A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what Gods name was. Oh thats easy, the man replied, His name is Andy. What make you think his name is Andy? the angel asked incredulously. Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.

by (few years ago!)
THREE ENGLISHMEN...

These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman in this one bar.

"Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading over toward the guy, "I hear that St Patrick was a shirt lifter."

"Really." Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink.

With that the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and I hear he was a pervert too."

"Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds.

"I know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman, staggering toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was really an Englishman?"

The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so your mates were telling me.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times?A: Once when you tell it, once when you tell her the punchline, and once when she gets it.

by (few years ago!)
Q & A lawyers

Why do lawyers wear tight ties?
So their foreskin doesn't creep up and cover their face.

What's the difference between a dead lawyer on a street and a dead dog on the street?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

What's black and brown and look great on lawyers?
Dobermans

What's the difference between a Rooster and a Lawyer?
A rooster clucks defiance.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Why does the American Bar Association prohibit sex between attorneys and their clients?

To prevent the client for being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

Why do they bury lawyers 27 feet under?
'Cuz deep, deep down, they're good people!

What's the difference between a Catfish and a lawyer?
One is a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.

Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey had first pick.

How can you tell when a lawyer is well hung?
When you can't get your finger between the noose and his neck.

What the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
The prostitute quits after you're dead!
What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
Their lips move.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off it's head

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck?
Occasionally a duck will stick its bill up its ass.
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
It might be your bicycle.

What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
Their personalities.

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

What is a runners favourite subject in school?Jog-raphy!

by (few years ago!)
Jokes For Kids Cartoons

You are looking at the "jokes for kids" cartoon page from the CartoonStock directory. Follow the links on this page to search on other topics or to purchase reproduction rights for any of these images or merchandise incorporating the cartoons.

by (few years ago!)
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