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Blonde jokes

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by nand she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said Well, Im done with the Wal Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart

by (few years ago!) / 4859 views
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Lawyer jokes

Recently overheard in the Boulder, Colorado County Courthouse:

Defense lawyer: "You are a fool."

Prosecutor: "And you are a damned fool."

Judge: "As the learned lawyers have now identified each other, can we now proceed with the case."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself?A: Acupuncture.

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes

Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A man happened upon a friend of his while walking down a suburban street. The man noticed that his friend's car was total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. So, the man asked his friend, "What in the world happened to your car?"

"Well," the friend said, "I ran into a lawyer."

"Okay," said the man, "that explains the blood. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and all of the dirt?"

His friend replied, "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

Two advertising executivess were having lunch and talking. The young exec trainee said to the older, wiser man, "Where has Ben Harris been hanging out? I haven't seen him for a while."

The senior exec replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky."

"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right? What did he have?"

"Oh, nothing much," replied the elder exec. "A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but nothing much worth going after."


by (few years ago!)
Hillary goes to heaven

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"

St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."

Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"

St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."

Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"

St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is 74 to a blonde?A: 69 plus VAT

by (few years ago!)
Words With More Than One Syllable

A first grade teacher is starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thinks it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.

"Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?" she asks.

After some thought Jane proudly replies with Monday.

"You are correct, Jane, Monday does have two syllables."

Continuing, she then asks, "Does anyone know another word with more than one syllable?"

"I do! I do!" replies Johnny.

Knowing Johnnys more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

"OK Mike, what is your word?"

"Saturday," says Mike.

"Yes! That has three syllables, Mike, great job," she replies.

Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says, "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large, the teacher reluctantly asks, "OK, Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas-tur-ba-tion."

The teacher, shocked and trying to retain her composure, says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! Thats is certainly a mouthful."

"No Maam, your thinking of blowjob, and thats only two syllables."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Whats 2 and 2?Pupil: 4Teacher: Thats good.Pupil: Good?, thats perfect!

by (few years ago!)
Cannibal Restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00 Fried Explorer: $ 15.00 Baked Politician: $ 100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

by (few years ago!)
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