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EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen,said the CEO this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."


A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

by (few years ago!) / 11338 views
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He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

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A manager walks into his office...

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde crying. He approaches her and asks why she's crying. She tells him she just found out her mother died. The manager tells her to go to take the rest of the day off and not to worry about work. Later, the manager calls the blonde to see how she's doing. The blonde is crying harder than before. He tries to console her, but he couldn't. The blonde says, "I was calling everyone to let them know about my mother's death and I found out something horrible."
"What?" the manager replied.
"I found out my sister''s mom died too!"

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Animal jokes

Three fleas meet in Florida every year for vacation together. They sit at the bar and start talking about their trips. The first flea is a little upset. He found a group of bikers that were headed for warmer weather, and jumped in one of the guy's moustaches. It was a little cold and windy for him there.

The second flea didn't have much luck either. He hopped onto a dog's tail, and it turned out that the dog had to ride in the back of the pick-up truck. It was a cold, windy trip for him too.

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A year later the 3 fleas meet at the bar again and start to talk about their trips. Two of the fleas had wonderful trips; they just can't believe how easy it was. The other flea isn't so happy. "Didn't you find a stewardess?" they ask him.

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Men Vs. Women Jokes

How does an archeologist tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton?
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What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles? He makes a swish!

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office jokes

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TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.

TREEWARE: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

UMFRIEND: A personal relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my ... um ... friend."

UNINSTALLED: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

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3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
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5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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