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EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen,said the CEO this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."


A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

by (few years ago!) / 11154 views
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Religious jokes

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "Youre running around with other women," she charged."Youre being unreasonable," Adam responded. "Youre the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think youre doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.

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The Times Square Pub Joke

The first time I ever visited New York City, we discovered an Irish Pub in Times Square that we loved. On every visit to the city after that, I’ve managed to make a visit to this place. The pub has since moved and gone through quite a few changes, but it is still a tradition to meet one of my friends there whenever I visit. One late night, the lovely bartender entertained us with jokes. I admit that I didn’t get this one at first:

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Business jokes

The social worker asked the bartender "Whats the difference between your job and mine?" The bartender replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6 weeks and I learned to mix a very good drinks, than wait a couple of hours to have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to school for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session after session using technique after technique, and you still may never hear them!!!

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Her side and his side

HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn`t say anything much about it.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn`t really sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to His house, I said that I love him and he just put His arm around me. I didn`t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn`t say it back or anything. We finally got back to His place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don`t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he`s met someone else??

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Wife: "Do you think of me when youre away darling?"Husband: "Yes honey, I always bare you in mind."

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THE COMPLETE PUZZLE

Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house.

When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"

Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

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School jokes

What are you going to be when you get out of school?An old man!

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Why can't you be like that?

Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl."
Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible?A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

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Having joked less than a year ago about killing Mitt Romney (and his supporters), former Republican candidate for president, Mike Huckabee, has now made light of assassinating Sen. Barack Obama.

According to CNN, during his recent speech at the NRA convention in Louisville Kentucky, the former presidential candidate offered the following joke in response to a loud noise off stage:

by (few years ago!)
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