Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAISAL REPORTS

Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

I would not allow this associate to breed.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

He would be out of his depth in a puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the better.

This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

by (few years ago!) / 15381 views
(Not Rated Yet)
 

Similar Jokes

A 12 inch ___

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar.

He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster lighter?"

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?"

"Yes, right here in my golf bag."

"Could I see him?"

He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie.

The friend asks the genie, "Since, I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will" the genie replies.

The friend asks the genie for a million bucks.

The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks.

Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.

The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

He answers,"I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

How to give a cat a pill.
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

by (few years ago!)
THE LONELY FROG


A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

by (few years ago!)
Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories - 2

This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender "I'll have a Scotch and Soda." Then the crocodile says "And I'll have a Whiskey Sour." The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps "That's incredible; I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!" And the guy says "He can't; the chicken is a ventriloquist."

by (few years ago!)
INHERITANCE BLUES

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
My mother died in August," his friend replied, "and left me £25,000. Then in September my father died, leaving me £90,000."

"Losing both parents in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me £15,000." His friend continued.

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
Then this month," concluded, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and youre going to want to shoot it.

by (few years ago!)
Logic of the Irish

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o' me brothers and one for me self."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints.

All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?A. Samson. He brought the house down.

by (few years ago!)
Kids Bear Jokes

We are always in the process of updating our Bear Jokes. If you have one or more that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.

by (few years ago!)
A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY


A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures that since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God again and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?"

God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Train

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAIS..

EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

Blonde jokes

ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\lol101.com\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context