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TIPS FOR SUCCESS IN BUSINESS

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.

People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

* * *

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.

These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

* * *

Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace.

To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

* * *

Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing-- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail.

If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you.

The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages.

Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

by (few years ago!) / 1268 views
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Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer.

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Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me!"

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"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's widow?'

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101 Dumb Blonde Jokes or is it 100 Dumb Blond Jokes

It does not matter is if it is 100 Dumb Blond Jokes, or 101 Dumb Blonde Jokes, all the blonde jokes I have listed are the absolute best blonde jokes that I have ran across since I first started this website on AOL in 1994

Oh yeah. Glad you stopped by. To any blondes who may be offended by my 101 Blonde Jokes Section: Get over it! The majority of the blonde jokes came from blondes! Besides, I'm a blonde too. (Or is that blond?)

Also found here is political humor, general humor other nonsense that I have ran across

My contributors are my best source of material, so feel free to contribute.

I have a stack of jokes about a 2 feet high (no kidding) and will have a better idea what to add after I weed out the bad ones and categorize the rest.

I appreciate all contributions. I find that 95% of the ones sent in to me I already have. Don't let that stop anyone from sending in theirs. I read them all and put the good ones in my "To Add At A Future Date" file and the exceptional one I add right away.

This 101 Blonde Jokes website was my very first attempt at creating a website, and while I have upgraded it several times, I spend the majority of my time writing and promoting other websites (the ones that make me money). I still enjoy a good joke, though, and enjoy sharing them with others, so I eventually come back and do some work on this, my first and favorite, website.


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