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NOT ALWAYS DUMB BLONDES

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching.

by (few years ago!) / 755 views
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A man was in a bar and needed a light for his cigarette. The man next to him pulled out a long, thin lighter such as the first man had never seen before. The first man asked the second man where he got it.

The second man said, "There is a genie living in a bottle next to the river. If you go there and rub the bottle, the genie will grant you one wish."

The first man found the bottle near the river and rubbed it. The genie appeared and said, "I will grant you one wish." The man thinks for a while and says, "I want one million bucks."

The genie says, "It is done. Go home and in one hour go look out of your window into your front yard." After an hour, the man looked outside and all he saw was DUCKS everywhere.

The man was irate. He went back to the bar and said to the man with the lighter, "I am so disgusted. I found the genie, but instead of one million bucks, that genie gave me one million DUCKS.

The other man said, "You think you're disgusted. Do you honestly think I asked that genie for a nine-inch BIC

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POST GRADUATE QUESTIONS


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a Philosophy degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

by (few years ago!)
3 men standing in front of God

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth.

Man 1: Please God, I can't count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all.

God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves.

Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me!

God: My man, I am ashmed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW.

Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out 3 times a week, and...

God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire!

Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they see Man 3 ahead of them, stopped in the middle of the road in his Black Jaguar.

Man 1 and 2: Hey Man! Why are you sitting in your car and crying your eyes out? You're acting like some ungrateful bugger! Look at your car, man! What is your problem?!

Man 3: "I just saw my wife on rollerskates!

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A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," his friend replied, "and left me £25,000. Then in September my father died, leaving me £90,000."

"Losing both parents in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me £15,000." His friend continued.

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month," concluded, the friend, "absolutely nothing!

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Animal jokes

A lady went to a pet shop. "I would like to buy two yellow canaries," she told the owner.

"We don't have any canaries, but we have these," the owner said, as he showed the lady some pale green parakeets.

"That's not what I'm looking for," the lady stated.

But the pet storeowner refused to give up. He said, "Just think of them as yellow canaries that aren't quite ripe yet."

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Whats the difference between a lawyer and an onion?You cry when you cut up an onion.

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A dog ran into a butcher shop...

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150.

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