Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

THE BLONDE TELEGRAM


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde, she'll read it very slow

by (few years ago!) / 506 views
(Not Rated Yet)
 

Similar Jokes

Sport jokes

There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wifes seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied,"Im so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didnt give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "Theyre all at the funeral."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette ?A blonde doing cartwheels.

by (few years ago!)
Unlocking your car

Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:

Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Whats the best way to kill a man?A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

What do they call pastors in Germany?A. German Shepherds.

by (few years ago!)
TOP REJECTED STATE OF THE UNION OPENING LINES

"Immediately after my speech, you are all cordially invited to come up here and kiss my pasty white ass."

"Members of Congress, I feel you're a pain."

"Look at it, people! Take a good look! You got a tool like this, you use it -- know what I'm sayin'?"

"Are you impeachin' me? Are you impeachin' me? You gotta be impeachin' me cuz I'm the only President standin' here."

"Okay, I shagged her. I shagged her rotten, baby!"

"I'm not under oath, am I?"

"This meeting of The Duplicitous Serial Adulterers Group will now come to order. Ha, ha! Just kidding, people."

"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But first, a few words from my husband..."

"Whoa! I've been sleepwalking the last three years! I hope I didn't do anything embarrassing!"

"First, I'd like to introduce my new Attorney General, Alec Baldwin."

"Any of y'all got that Gwyneth Paltrow gal's phone number?"

"(Psssst! Al! Fourth row, third from the left -- you can see right up her skirt!)"

"I don't think anyone can deny that this past year has made a vas deferens in the face of politics.."

"I have not had sexual relations with anyone in this chamber. But seriously, folks..."

"Acquit me, or the stock market gets it."

by (few years ago!)
Three Wishes

One day a little girl was walking down the sidewalk on her way to school, and in the middle of the sidewalk she saw a worm. She raised her foot to squish it, but just then, she heard a wee little voice.

"Please don't squish me!"

The worm had spoken! The girl stepped back instead of stepping on it. "If you can give me one good reason why I shouldn't squish you, then maybe I won't."

"Ok, here's one really good reason," said the worm. "If you don't squish me I'll give you any three wishes you want."

"But how do I know you're telling the truth?" said the little girl.

"Why don't you try it?" said the worm.

"Ok," she said. "For my first wish, I want 1,000 more wishes!"

"Wow, you are smart!" said the worm.

"Yeah, I always get A's on all my tests," the little girl bragged.

"Ok, so what's your first wish going to be?" asked the worm.

"I want to be very pretty," says the girl. And she was pretty.

"I want to be rich and have pretty earings and a nice shirt," says the little girl. "That's all for now, but when I want another wish I will just say it and it will happen, right?"

"Of course" said the worm. "Well, I better be going now, I don't want to be late for school!" said the girl.

"Bye!" said the worm.

When the girl got to school, a very annoying boy named Robbie walked up to her. "Gonna get another hundred on the math test today?" he teased. "Oh my gosh!" the little girl says. "I forgot all about it! I didn't even study."

Robbie started laughing and went off to tell the whole school the news. "Oh no!" the little girl says. "I wish I were dead!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What dog wears a white coat and does science experiments? Labs!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."

by (few years ago!)
EMERGENCY IN THE VET'S OFFICE


A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes

Desert Island Email

blonde jokes

THREE DUMB BLONDES

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

LEGLESS!

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

A STRANGE STORY

Mothers were describing the ..

ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\lol101.com\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context