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The Chinese Workman

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ''So have you done the work then?'' he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

by (few years ago!) / 704 views
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blonde jokes

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 evening news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station cuts to a commercial.

Brunette: "I bet you $20 he's going to jump."

Blonde: "Okay."

(Back to newscast.) The man jumps.

Blonde: "Okay. Here's my $20."

Brunette: "No, that was too easy. I can't take it."

Blonde: "I insist. I lost."

Brunette: "I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet."

Blonde: "I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice
`

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the ladys 78-yearold daughter (who wasnt blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didnt make it."Didnt make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.

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Bar jokes

A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "That'd be my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four-week-old puppy."

"How could your puppy kill my Doberman?" roared the biker.

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."

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Installing a Carpet

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

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Dog jokes

Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? - A: Because you cant bury them in the sky!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?A. "Its okay Daddy, Im not hurt."

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Some very common traits in two drunks

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," replies the second man.

I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

by (few years ago!)
Her side and his side

HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn`t say anything much about it.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn`t really sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to His house, I said that I love him and he just put His arm around me. I didn`t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn`t say it back or anything. We finally got back to His place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don`t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he`s met someone else??

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage quotes 07

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!

Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. -- Rich Little

Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

Man and wife make one fool.

by (few years ago!)
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