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What do you call a woman who marries an old, ugly and poor manA Stupid

by (few years ago!) / 807 views
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School jokes

Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends.They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didnt make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didnt have a spare. They couldnt fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus.Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 3

What do you do if a blonde woman throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second Guy: "Thats nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You havent said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. Whats the deal?" Fourth Guy: "I dont want to talk about it. Lets just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what Im out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. Its postdated six years from now."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highwavy.

by (few years ago!)
TWO BLONDES AND A BRUNETTE


There are two blondes and a brunette on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each (you get the picture)...

The first blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat." With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean.

The second blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I need jetski"

With a flash, a jetski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde.

The genie looks enquiringly toward the brunette, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says," Just give me a million dollars, I'll take the bridge.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.Whats up? he says.Im having a heart attack, cries the woman.He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialling. his four-year-old son comes up and says, `Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Teds hiding in your wardrobe and hes got no clothes on!The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.You jerk, yells the husband, my wifes having a heart attack and youre running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Little Mikey is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Little Mikey to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Mikey didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, said, "Why? Mikey, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven."

Mikey thinks that's really neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Little Mikey's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Mikey runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!"

His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"

"Uncle Bob is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, 'Oh God, I'm coming'."

by (few years ago!)
THE LONELY FROG


A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I cant find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?""Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

by (few years ago!)
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