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Zoo jokes

Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. "Go and clean out the aquarium" he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. "Throw them to the lions" said the head keeper, "the lions will eat anything". So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lions cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. "Dont worry" said the head keeper, "just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything". So the young man returns to the ape house and throws the dead animals into the lions cage.Returning again for instructions, he is told to go along and help clean up the insect house. Busy cleaning out one off the exotic hives, he notices that all the bees have died. "I know what to do", he thinks to himself "Ill throw them all to the lions, as the lions will eat anything", whereupon he brushes them all up and throws them into the lion cage. The next day, the zoo obtains a new lioness. The lioness is walking around the new cage for the first time, and starts asking the other lions what things are like here. "Hows the accommodation?", she asks. "Fine" comes the reply from one lion. "And whats the food like?" she asks."Not bad" replies another, "yesterday, we had fish, chimps and mushy bees".

by (few years ago!) / 473 views
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Similar Jokes

blonde jokes

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about twenty miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out ten miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out five miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. "Go and clean out the aquarium" he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. "Throw them to the lions" said the head keeper, "the lions will eat anything". So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lions cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. "Dont worry" said the head keeper, "just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything". So the young man returns to the ape house and throws the dead animals into the lions cage.Returning again for instructions, he is told to go along and help clean up the insect house. Busy cleaning out one off the exotic hives, he notices that all the bees have died. "I know what to do", he thinks to himself "Ill throw them all to the lions, as the lions will eat anything", whereupon he brushes them all up and throws them into the lion cage. The next day, the zoo obtains a new lioness. The lioness is walking around the new cage for the first time, and starts asking the other lions what things are like here. "Hows the accommodation?", she asks. "Fine" comes the reply from one lion. "And whats the food like?" she asks."Not bad" replies another, "yesterday, we had fish, chimps and mushy bees".

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you drown a blonde?A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

by (few years ago!)
THE DEAF DRUNKS

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.

When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign.

The man thought that was great.

A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly.

The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar.

The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!

by (few years ago!)
Little Johnny Failed Math

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said '6'."

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How many men does it take to open a beer? - None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer Jokes

Here are a few of my favorite attorney and lawyer jokes. I might add another ones later as well, this is just a beginning.



How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?
Three - one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.


by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Why cant you ever answer any of my questions?Pupil: Well if I could there wouldnt be much point in me being here!

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Whats the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.

by (few years ago!)
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