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Zoo jokes

I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?

by (few years ago!) / 554 views
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Computer jokes

Comments made by Programmers when their programs dont work: Strange... Ive never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, its just a feature. Im almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. Its just some unlucky coincidence. I cant test everything! THIS cant do THAT. Didnt I fix it already? Its already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but its not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didnt find it during the system testing? Its a setup problem. And the Ultimate:A smart user would never do that!

by (few years ago!)
THE MAGIC FROG

A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope." The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!" But it was still too long at 20 inches, so he decided to ask the frog to marry him again. "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!" The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"

The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A young blonde man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order. "Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights," requested the trucker.

Bewildered, the blonde waiter goes back into the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!"

The cook answers, "He wants three pancakes and two eggs sunny-side up."

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker. The trucker looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"

The blonde waiter tells him, "Well, while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

A history jokeTeacher: When was Rome built?Pupil: At night.Teacher: Why did you say that?Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasnt built in a day!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customers table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know thats the first time in ten years weve been out of rye bread!"

by (few years ago!)
Geography Lesson

The teacher called on Little Johnny to go to the map and point out where North America is.
Little Johnny looked the map over, found North America, and proudly said, "Here it is, right here!"

"Very good, Johnny," the teacher said. "Now, class, can you tell me who discovered North America?"

"Little Johnny!" the students shouted.

by (few years ago!)
What a Comeback

The waiter took a bottle of Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second without looking over at the man, and decided to send a reply note.

The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own. He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return a note to this to the woman.

It read: For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage and there is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. However, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Three blondes are stranded on an island. A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes herhair color to black and she says," Lets go over the bridge."

by (few years ago!)
Useful Work Phrases

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you recognize a blonde in school?A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

by (few years ago!)
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