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Zoo jokes

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tigers cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

by (few years ago!) / 791 views
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A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY

drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation wentwell and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he wasreassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed."Mr. Smith, youre going to be just fine," said the nun, gentlypatting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend topay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?""No, Im not," the man whispered hoarsely."Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun."Im afraid I cannot, Sister.""Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questionedsternly."Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But shes ahumble spinster nun.""Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God.""Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in -law."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

A French man, an English man, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The French man offered everyone some French bread, then he threw it out the window. The French man said, "Don't worry we have plenty of those where I come from."

The English man offered everyone a crumpet and then he threw it out the window. The English man said, "Don't worry we have plenty of those where I come from."

The American man quickly threw the lawyer out the window. The American said, "Don't worry we have plenty of those where I come from."

by (few years ago!)
Family Jewels

Erik Williams, 21, of the 3600 block of South Michigan Avenue, was arrested in Chicago on May 18 and charged with sexually assaulting (forced fellatio) a 42-year-old woman.

The victim arrived at a police station in the early morning hours clutching, in her hand, testicles that she had just bitten off.

At about the same time, Williams showed up at Michael Reese Hospital missing his testicles.

Doctors confirmed that the testicles were Williams' but were unable to reattach them.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Men are like old car tires.Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.

by (few years ago!)
SO CORNY IT HURTS!


A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help. "What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me." "Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."She says, "Its ceramic tile."

by (few years ago!)
Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories

Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 5

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?" The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" Th e pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 9

A man was walking down the street and he met a small boy. The man asked what was his name.
The boy replied, 'six and seven-eighths.'
The man asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and he replied, 'they just picked it out of a hat.'

by (few years ago!)
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