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How To Sell Lawnmowers

A young man just got a new
job running the register at a store. The old-timer said he would teach him how to sell
things. "Watch how I do it" he said to the new hire as a man came up to the
counter.

The customer put a bag of
grass seed on the counter. The old-timer then said to him "You know when you plant
those seeds and the grass starts growing you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut that
grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need to get a new mower, sure
I'll take one."

After the customer left,
the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A
man then stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman then
said, "You know you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that."

The man then asked the
young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "Well," he said,
"It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass!"

by (few years ago!) / 725 views
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Similar Jokes

Blondes Year in Review

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

by (few years ago!)
A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY


A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures that since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God again and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?"

God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Young Actor: Dad, guess what? Ive just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man whos been married for 30 years. Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day youll get a speaking part.

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes:

Little Jimmy was a very rude boy who, given any opportunity, would embarrass his teacher. One day, during an OFSTED inspection, Jimmy's teacher told the class that they were going to do some impressions of different animals. However, feeling aware that Jimmy would use this opportunity to be extremely rude and to show her up, she decided to leave him until last. Emma did a marvellous impression of a cow, David did one of a pig, while other children did their own interpretations of donkeys, dogs, cats, parrots etc. Eventually, the teacher could avoid Jimmy no longer and reluctantly allowed him to do his impression. However, she felt that there could not possibly be any animals left, about which Jimmy could be rude or obscene.

"I'm going to do the mating cry of the deep-sea oyster," explained Jimmy.

That doesn't sound too bad thought the teacher.

At this point Jimmy stuck his head between his two hands and shouted "ANYONE FANCY A SHAG?"

by (few years ago!)
A MANAGER'S DILEMA


An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning.

Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.

Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest and both employees stayed after closing.

Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said,
"Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."

Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes ?Nothing, you told her twice.

by (few years ago!)
Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?1) Get away or Ill call the police!!!2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you after a while. There was a fellow in my office who was the ultimate offender.

I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I have my wife call his desk when he's not there and leave a message like "Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty boy. You wouldn't want me to come over there and spank you, would you?"

It is the last time you hear that particular speakerphone, I can assure you.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals

Here are some jokes and funny stories about animals including dogs, horses and ducks.

by (few years ago!)
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