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Blonde jokes

Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.

by (few years ago!) / 558 views
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Joking, and Learning, About Philosophy

Host Liane Hansen speaks with Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein, authors of Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar... Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes.

by (few years ago!)
Farm Couple

Once there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.

He said, "If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows."

The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, "If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens."

His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, "If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother."

by (few years ago!)
Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?The umbrella can be shut up.

by (few years ago!)
Coming Home Late

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day and asked him to go out for a beer with them. Dave replied "No, I can't. My wife gets really pissed if I come home late." Dave's friend said "When you get home, just go slide beneath the sheets, pull her panties down and give her oral sex."

So Dave goes out with his friends and has a great time. When he comes home hours later, he goes into his room and slides beneath the sheets. He pulls down her panties and begins to give her oral sex. She starts to moan and groan. After awhile, Dave tells her that he has to go take a leak and for her to wait there. When Dave gets to the bathroom he's stunned to see his wife sitting on the john. "How did you get here?" he asked. "Shhhh," she replied. "My Mom is sleeping."

by (few years ago!)
Trump Jr.: 'Death Threat Wedding Speech Was A Joke'

Ivana Trump's son was joking when he threatened to kill his mother's new husband, Rossano Rubicondi, at the couple's wedding last month. Donald Trump Jr. handed over his mother to her Italian fiance with a chilling warning for the 35-year-old groom.

He remarked in front of the wedding's 500 guests: "We are a construction company and we have job sites, we lose people. You better treat her right, because I have a .45 and a shovel."

And though Trump Jr. admits he has spoken to the groom "man to man" about an incident when his mother called police to remove Rubicondi from her home earlier this year, he insists the speech was all in good fun.

He says, "Rossano's always been straight up with me. If he treats her with respect, that's all you can ask."

The couple wed in a lavish ceremony at the Palm Beach, Fla., estate of Trump's ex-husband, property mogul Donald.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is thatas both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around thehouse.Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadnt been talking to each other.Instead, they were giving each other written notes.One evening he gave her a paper where it said:"Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 oclock.Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:"Wake up, its 6 oclock!"

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

by (few years ago!)
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