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Blonde jokes

Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.

by (few years ago!) / 613 views
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Millionaire's watching the Finals

What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA Finals?

The New York Knicks

by (few years ago!)
What causes people to have arthritis?

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"

"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

How are you doing in arithmetic ?Ive learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

by (few years ago!)
Made in Canada

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency:

Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'help you," replied the Prime Minister.

"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.

"Oui?"

"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color, at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.

"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan Condoms.

"I need a favor, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send 'dem to Hamerica."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant for the second time?A: She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will...

by (few years ago!)
A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious argument

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

by (few years ago!)
KNOCK, KNOCK JOKES PARADISE

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Earl
Earl who?
Earl be glad to tell you when you open the door.

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Emma
Emma who?
Emma bit cold out here, will you let me in?

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Howl
Howl who?
Howl you know unless you open the door?

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Aardvark
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a million miles, for one of your smiles...

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Cows
Cows who?
No they don't, they moo!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Albert
Albert who?
Albert you don't know who it is!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Twit2
Twit2 who?
You sound like an owl!

Knock, knock!
who's there?
Duey
Duey who?
Duey have to keep telling me Knock, knock jokes??

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

There are three beggars begging on Wall Street.The first beggar wrote "Beggar" on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day.The next day, the second beggar wrote "Beggar.com" on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.The following day, the third beggar wrote "e-Beg" on his cup. Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix; a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community.

by (few years ago!)
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