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Blonde jokes

Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.

by (few years ago!) / 567 views
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Marriage jokes

A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At herwedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. Noneof the other women in the office even noticed.Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy !!! Its sowarm in here today, I think Ill take off my ring."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Education - 2

A professor attempting to inspire his students says to his class, "This week is your last chance to study for your final exam next Monday. Time is running out. The exam is now in the hands of the printer. Are their any questions?"
One student inquires, "How many questions will their be?"
Another student asks, "Will the exam require essay answers?"
A third wants to know, "Who's the printer?"

by (few years ago!)
LEGLESS!

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 miles home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom.

When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why was the mother flea so unhappy?All her children had gone to the dogs.

by (few years ago!)
THE KIDS BITE BACK

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

by (few years ago!)
Throwing away garbage

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from His recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn`t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, Hey you, what are you doing?
I have to throw this away, replied the tourist.
You can`t throw it away here. Look, follow me, the policeman offered.
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. Here, said the cop, dump all the garbage you want.
The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.
Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy? asked the tourist.
No. This is the American Embassy.

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist:"Id like to become the next President of the United States."The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

by (few years ago!)
AT THE STUD FARM


This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I'm sending him over."

The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.

"Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.

"OK, what about the earsth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.

"OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat." With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out.

Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"

by (few years ago!)
A TRIP TO THE CINEMA


A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying.

This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out.
In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly amazing!"

"It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!"

by (few years ago!)
Pain Killers

A man was suffering from a stomachache, so he told his wife, who suggested he try the tablets the Doctor had given her for a similar pain.

After taking his wife's tablets for a week, the pain disappeared but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind each ear.

He went to his doctor, showed him the lumps, and explained what had happened. Whereby the Doctor called him all the fools under the sun, saying, "You bloody idiot! I was treating your wife for a fallen womb, who only knows how I'm going to get your balls back down!"

by (few years ago!)
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