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Blonde jokes

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?A: Her ankles.

by (few years ago!) / 475 views
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College Chain Of Command


Leaps tall buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a locomotive

Is faster than a speeding bullet

Walks on water

Gives policy to God


Leaps short buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a switch engine

Is just as fast as a speeding bullet

Talks with God


Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

Is faster than a speeding BB

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

Talks with God if a special request is honored


Barely clears a quonset hut

Loses tug of war with a locomotive

Can fire a speeding bullet

Swims well

Is occassionally addressed by God


Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings

Is run over by locomotives

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

Treads water

Talks to animals


Climbs walls continually

Rides the rails

Plays Russian Roulette

Walks on thin ice

Prays a lot


Runs into buildings

Recognizes locomotives two out of three times

Is not issued ammunition

Can stay afloat with a life jacket

Talks to walls


Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings

Says "Look at the choo-choo"

Wets himself with a water pistol

Plays in mud puddles

Mumbles to himself


Lifts buildings and walks under them

Kicks locomotives off the tracks

Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them

Freezes water with a single glance

She IS god

by (few years ago!)

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." 5/9/90

by (few years ago!)

A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face, some even look a little frightened and Clinton isn't in the room.

"What's the matter" he asked

"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news"

"What's the bad news?"

"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war, that may go nuclear."

"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"

"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra"

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

One day a gentleman called his local computer store because his PC had a smoking power supply. The service rep was having a bit of trouble convincing the guy that it was a hardware problem:

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer's Dog

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

"Absolutely," the lawyer responded.

The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer.

The contents reads "Consultation: $25.00."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

What is cosmetics? ANSWER: Cosmetics is a womans means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order?A zoo-t suit!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Men are like lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

by (few years ago!)
Wedding & Marriage Humor and Wedding Jokes

Wedding Humor, Wedding Jokes, Wedding One-Liners, Best Man Jokes and much more funny stuff about weddings and marriage!

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think Ive got the wrong software installed in my computer." Tech Support: "Why is that, sir?" Customer: "I bought this minitower system from you, and it came loaded with software called the XYZ Desktop." Tech Support: "Yes...?" Customer: "Shouldnt it be called the XYZ Minitower? I OBVIOUSLY have the wrong software installed in this computer."

by (few years ago!)
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