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Blonde jokes

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?A: Her ankles.

by (few years ago!) / 438 views
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Similar Jokes

Murder Trial

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defenses closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all, the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if its any good, Ill send you a check."In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If its any good, well send the engine."

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

by (few years ago!)
IN SEARCH OF A GOOD MAN


A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover. After a few days, her doorbell rings.

She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. He says, "I'm here about your ad."

Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know you're loyal?"

"Well, I saved my platoon from the VC in 'Nam. That's where I lost my arms and legs," he replies.

"Well, how do I know you're rich?" she inquires.

"I make over $3 million a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement," he continues.

Looking him over in his wheelchair, she demands, "Well, how do I know you're a good lover?"

He shrugs, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Men are like mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

by (few years ago!)
A VALUABLE LESSON IN STUDENT LIFE

A college student picked up his date at her parent's home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.

To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetisers, lobster, champagne . . .the works.
Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"

"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid."

by (few years ago!)
Animal Jokes

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

by (few years ago!)
Clinton administration medical dictionary

Acute: Opposite of an ugly

Artery: The study of paintings

Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria

Barium: What doctors do to dead patients

Benign: What you are after you're eight.

Bowel: Letter like A,E,I,O, or U

Cat scan: Searching for a kitty

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her

Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome

Colic: A sheep dog

Concussion: A prisoner's sofa

Congenital: To be friendly

D & C: Where the White House is

Dilate: To live too long

Enema: Not a friend

Fester: Quicker

Fibula: A small lie

GI series: A soldier ball game

Hangnail: A coat hook

Impotent: Distinguished, well known

Jaundice: To include in a group

Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives

Labor pain: Getting hurt at work

Leper: A wild cat

Malaria: Shopping place

Medical staff: A doctor's cane

Morbid: A higher bid

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

Node: Was aware of

Outpatient: A person who fainted

Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis

Post-operative: A letter carrier

Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work.

Rectum: It almost killed him

Rheumatic: Amorous

Secretion: Hiding something

Seizure: A Roman emperor

Serology: Study of English Knighthood

Tablet: A small table

Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport

Tumor: More than one

Urine: Opposite of you're out

Varicose: Nearby

Vein: Conceited

by (few years ago!)
Email Anonymous

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

You name your children eudora, aol and dotcom.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

You laugh at people with 28.8 baud modems.

You start using smileys in your snail mail.

You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.

You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.

You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html

You start tilting your head sideways to smile :)

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Id like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.Pupil: You have my permission !

by (few years ago!)
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