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Blonde jokes

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?A: Her ankles.

by (few years ago!) / 456 views
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True Resume


OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask

EMPLOYMENT
NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
RESIDENT INHALER (9/98-6/99) Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.

COMPUTER SKILLS
*Solitaire *Minesweeper *On/Off Repair Method HONORS AND AWARDS
*First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament *Said Toast at brother's wedding *High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why was the blondes belly button sore ?A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

by (few years ago!)
SWITCHING SIDES


A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party.

"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through Why change now?"

The man learned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

The difference between men and womenA man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

by (few years ago!)
THE GIRAFFE


A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. Then: "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too" And they keep drinking all evening.

Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave.
The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?"

The guy replies "That's not a lion... it's a giraffe.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Joke

Onces upon time, when landlords have great dog hunters. One of them has a dog that has just 30 cm tall. It is a funny animal.

When he walked around the city center, he met Sir Alex who has a big frightened bulldog.

Then he said "hey stranger, you have

by (few years ago!)
A DUCK AND A BAR


There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, "can I help you"?

The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar and we don't sell raisins." The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!

The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him? The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO this is a BAR we don't sell raisins!" So the duck walked out again and left. He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again!
The duck yelled at the bartender, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there."

The duck said, "ok", and left.

The next day came and sure enough the duck came back except he only peeped his head inside the door. He said, "quack, quack, got any nails?"

The bartender replied, "No!"

The duck said "Good, then you got any raisins

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

This guy had a parrot he trained to sing. Once he took the parrot to the bar and told everyone that if you put a match under the parrot's right foot he would sing Jingle Bells and if you put the match under his left foot he would sign White Christmas.

Of course the people in the bar wanted to see it. And, sure enough. He put a match under the parrot's right foot and he sang Jingle Bells. He put the match under the parrot's left foot, and low and behold, he sang White Christmas.

One guy asked him what would happen if he put a match between the parrot's legs. He answered, "I don't know. Try it and find out."

So, the guy put a match between the parrot's legs, and immediately the parrot began singing, "Chestnuts roasting...

by (few years ago!)
The Postal Service

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

(Are you ready? This is a beauty)
My stupid computer! keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day. His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"

by (few years ago!)
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