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How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself A
Acupuncture

by (few years ago!) / 515 views
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TOUGH MICE

Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away.

The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"

The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to shag the cat."+

by (few years ago!)
Graphaholics Anonymous

1. We admit we are powerless over the need to create graphics

And that our life revolves around "making one more graphic before I_________________." (insert one: "go to bed, feed the cat, cook supper, go to work...")

2. We believe that a power greater than ourselves exists, and it's name is PaintShop Pro.

3. We have made the decision to turn our lives and what skill we have over to the care of Graphics utilities, that they may help us create that which we cannot do on our own.

4. We have made, and continue to make, a searching and fearless inventory of the web to find copyright free graphics, and also of our computers, that we may delete old graphics to make room for new ones.

5. We admit that we cannot make good, modem friendly, graphics without the help of Gifwizard and L-view Pro.

6. We are entirely ready to let any graphics utilities we can find remove all defects from our graphics.

7. We humbly ask that our computers not crash due to all the graphics stored therein.

8. We have made a list of all the persons who make better graphics than we do And are willing to try and outdo them.

9. We admit our jealousy of those that make better graphics than we do and Appeal to them whenever possible to teach us how they did it.

10. We continue to take inventory of our hard drives and web sites and promptly remove Any "amateur" ("how could I have thought that was good?") Graphics that we find.

11. We seek, through "help files" and source code, to learn every nuance of Other's' secrets so that we will always be making better graphics.

12. We have had a spiritual awakening as a result of stealing other's ideas. We have tried to help all other novice graphic junkies to make better Graphics by sharing our knowledge (but not enough that they make better graphics than us)

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How many men does it take to open a beer? - None. It should be opened by the time she brings

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Whats a blondes favorite color?A: A light shade of clear

by (few years ago!)
Wedding Jokes

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's
marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few
minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the
same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with
respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special
occasions."

The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China.

by (few years ago!)
Funny Animal Jokes

Cats in International Falls, Minnesota, are not allowed to chase dogs up telephone poles.

If your dog gets your neighbor's dog pregnant in Danbury, Connecticut, you are responsible and must pay for the abortion if the neighbor chooses to have it done.

No dog may be tied to a shade tree in Birmingham, Alabama.

An ordinance in Belvedere, California, states "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

Another misworded ordinance is this one from Arvada, Colorado: "If a stray pet is not claimed within 24 hours, the owner will be destroyed."

Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.

In Sterling, Colorado, it is unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Cats living in Cresskill, New Jersey, must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.

by (few years ago!)
Can I smell...?

A guy walks up to a woman in a bar and asks, "Can I smell your pussy?"

Offended, the woman says, "NO!"

The man replies, "Then it must be your feet."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?Blonde: I dont know. Why?Teller: It was easier to spell.Blonde: Easier than what?

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Bobby's house and rang the bell. Bobby's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Bobby's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But, how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

by (few years ago!)
THE INTELLIGENCE FACTOR


A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out.

Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before.

About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!'

The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what's happening.

She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen.

She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

by (few years ago!)
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