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Blonde jokes

One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom. So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted "gorgous men!" and landed in a pile of men. The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting we

by (few years ago!) / 514 views
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Lawyer jokes

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness at the trial. The defense attorney asked the neighbor, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?"

"No sir," answered the witness.

"Did you ever get any from his wife?" asked the lawyer.

"No sir." replied the witness.

"Did you ever get any from his daughters?"asked the attorney.

"Uh - excuse me sir," the witness said, "but we are still talking about drugs here, right?"

by (few years ago!)
True stupid story!

A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

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Women jokes

Whats worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? - A woman that wont do what shes told.

by (few years ago!)
SPECIAL BLONDE DIET


A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."

"No, from all that skipping."

by (few years ago!)
How to Write Good - Part III

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

31. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!!!

32. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

33. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

34. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

35. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

36. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

37. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

38. Always pick on the correct idiom.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; they're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

by (few years ago!)
Let's take a trip to Disney

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

by (few years ago!)
Magical dancing duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn`t dance a single step!
So? asked the ducks former owner, did you remember to light the candle under the pot?

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopoed beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog. "You mean the one following your car?" they asked.

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Dog jokes

What do you say to a dog before he eats? - A: Bone appetite

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How does a blonde kill a fish?A: She drowns it.

by (few years ago!)
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