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Blonde jokes

One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom. So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted "gorgous men!" and landed in a pile of men. The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting we

by (few years ago!) / 496 views
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computer jokes

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the "Soup of the Day" now?

Waiter: The current "Soup of the Day" is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.

(Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.)

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

(Waiter leaves.)

Patron: Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!

The check: Soup of the Day Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day
Access to support

Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge (will be fixed with Tomorrow's soup of the day).

by (few years ago!)
Real Quotes From Court

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that youve forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Who is the fastest runner in history.Adam - because he was the first in the human race.

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere, as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.

Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 6

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday night?
Tell her a joke on thursday...

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make up exam

by (few years ago!)
Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories - 2

A bear went into a bar and ordered a beer. He gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill and the bartender went to the other end of the bar to put the money in the cash register. The second bartender whispered to the first, "He's a bear, what does he know, shortchange him." The first bartender brings the bear $10 in change. A little while later the bartender starts talking to the bear and mentions, "We don't get many bears in this bar." The bear replies, "I'm not surprised, at $10 a beer I sure won't be back again....

by (few years ago!)
LEARNING TO LIVE TOGETHER

A Jewish man lives into a Catholic neighbourhood. Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism Finally, after many threats and much pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and says, "Born a Jew, Raised a Jew, Now a Catholic The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighbourhood.
The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying, "Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish

by (few years ago!)
Funny joke - Fast Camel

There’s this guy walking along a road to town with his camel. Along the way, a guy stops and ask’s if he needs a ride to town.
The guy say’s, yeah. He hop’s in, the driver say’s, what about your camel.
The guy said, Oh, he’s ok, he know’s his way to town.
So the driver start’s driving, he get’s up to about 45 MPH, and he looks in his rearview mirror and see’s the camel right behind him. He say’s to the guy, hey buddy ya know your camel is behind us? The guy say’s, yeah it’s ok, he knows his way to town, speed up a little.
The driver speed’s up to about 55 MPH, he’s driving along, and look’s behind him and again see’s the camel. And say’s to the guy, your camel is still there.
The guy say’s, he’s know’s the way, speed up a little. So the driver speed’s up to 65 MPH. He drive’s for a bit, and look’s behind him, and look’s at the guy and say’s, hey buddy your camel he’s looking pretty rough. The guy say’s, oh yeah, what’s he doing.
The driver say’s, well, his ear’s are folded back and his tongue is hanging out.. The guy say’s, HIS TONGUE IS HANGING OUT,, TO WHICH SIDE. The driver say’s to the left side. The guy say’s, YOU’D BETTER HOLD YOUR COURSE, HE’S FIXIN TO PASS YA..!


by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends andsays with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizically."Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"

by (few years ago!)
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