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Blonde jokes

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday Tell her a joke on a Monday

by (few years ago!) / 522 views
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Blonde jokes

How do blondes pierce their ears?A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

by (few years ago!)
A Womans Ultimate Fantasy

In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a womans ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a womans ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?Q. They think their picture is being taken.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," said the nurse, "but dont you think this is enough?" The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

One evening in December, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking down the street together when all four of them simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets to keep the money?

The old drunk, of course, because the other three are all mythological creatures.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second.

by (few years ago!)
MORE AMAZINGLY REAL EXTRACTS FROM AMERICAN COURTROOMS

Are you married? "
"No, I'm divorced."
"And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
"A lot of things I didn't know about."

* * *

"Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
"No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

* * *

"Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"

* * *

"Doctor did you say he was shot in the woods?"
"No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

* * *

"Could you see him from where you were standing? "
"I could see his head."
"And where was his head?"
"Just above his shoulders."

* * *

"...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
"The victim lived."

* * *

"What happened then?"
"He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
"Did he kill you?"
"No."

* * *

"Can you describe the individual?"
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
"Was this a male, or a female?"

* * *

"Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."

* * *

"Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
"Yes, I have been since early childhood."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What should you do if you have a basset hound over for dinner? Have a short table!

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up tothe tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and landsin the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto thegreen.Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over thefairway and lands in the water trap.Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. Theold man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing overthe fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it fallsinto the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As thefish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where alightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, theeagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops outof its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one.Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you dont stopfooling around, we wont bring you next time."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What does a blonde owl say?A: What, what?

by (few years ago!)
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