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Blonde jokes

One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free

by (few years ago!) / 521 views
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Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case
A Branch Manager

by (few years ago!)
Jokes > Topics > W > Women Jokes

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.

"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids

by (few years ago!)
A LUCKY BREAK

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are yer absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank God for that, I thought I was crippled.

by (few years ago!)
Wedding and Marriage Jokes

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".


There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."


Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole


The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel like honey ?" "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"

by (few years ago!)
HORMONE RELACEMENT NEWSFLASH

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't driver

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, Im done with the Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart..."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

A little kids in school, taking a true-false test and hes flipping a coin. At the end of the test hes flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

by (few years ago!)
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