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Redneck Theft

You might be a redneck if you are working at a welfare office and are arrested for stealing food stamps.

by (few years ago!) / 724 views
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Blonde jokes

How do you kill a blonde?Give them a gun an say it is a blow dryer

by (few years ago!)
Jelly

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how’s your breakfast this morning?" "It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."

by (few years ago!)
FATHER FORGIVE ME...


A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."

"What do you mean almost?" question the priest.

"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in," explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then decides to leave.

The priest quickly runs over to the man and exclaims, "I saw that... you didn't put any money in the poor box!"

"Well Father, I rubbed up against it and, like you said, it's the same as putting it in!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."Did he get anything." his mates asked."yeah, a broken jaw and six teeth knocked out. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A California highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the congested freeway. Glancing at the car, the officer was astounded to see that the beautiful blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Conceding that the blonde woman was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper calmly cranked down his car window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO," the blonde yelled back. "IT'S A SCARF!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?A: She moved.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "Ivefound a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what doyou want from me, sympathy?"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 2

Marriage - Female going from lipstick to broomstick.

by (few years ago!)
Christmas Songs for Shrinks

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas.

Paranoia: Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me.

Mania: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town.

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!

Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (then took away).

by (few years ago!)
Short Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off.

by (few years ago!)
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