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Redneck Theft

You might be a redneck if you are working at a welfare office and are arrested for stealing food stamps.

by (few years ago!) / 651 views
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There was this man that was an accountant for the mob. He happened to be deaf and mute. While working for the mob he collected over 500,000 dollars by stealing from the books.

The mob boss finds out about this and sends two hitmen to his house. Since the accountant was deaf and mute his brother translated what his brother said.

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Accountant signs he does not know

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Hitman: tell us where the money is or we will kill your wife and kids, burn down your house, and castrate you!

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The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?""A mongoose.""What for?""Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and Im scared to death of snakes. Thats why I got this mongoose, for protection." "But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes." "Thats okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

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"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

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"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

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"No?"

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