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Blonde jokes

How does a blonde commit suicide A She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

by (few years ago!) / 471 views
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Blonde jokes

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?A: Flattered.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you plant dope? Bury a blonde.

by (few years ago!)
Snooping

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.

The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter's room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"

"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter's room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"

"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter's room last week and you'll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms!"

I didn't even know that she had a penis!

by (few years ago!)
AVOIDING THE PUTDOWN


A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"

The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."

The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

by (few years ago!)
Fun things to do at work

Change the speed dial settings on a co workers phone.
Put a sign on your photocopier that says "New Copier - Voice activated - please speak your command" Watch the fun.

Ask a work mate if they need a hand, then give them a photo copy of your hand.

Move your desk into the elevator and ask anyone that comes in if they have an appointment.

Arm people with water pistols, Nerf balls or paper wads to assail anyone who is blocking creativity

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

"Excuse me," a young fellow said to an older librarian, "Ive just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers.""Well," replied the librarian, "I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

10 fun things to do at your local retail store.....
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin, narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,' and see what happens.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was composed by Rimsky Korsakov A "Whyd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names.

by (few years ago!)
THE BUFFALO THEORY

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says,
"All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine".
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens -- the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it" and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies,
"Nothing is wrong with me -- it's this bloody horse. What is he -- deaf or something?"
The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf -- he's BLIND!"

by (few years ago!)
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