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Blonde jokes

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick An Because red means Stop.

by (few years ago!) / 601 views
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What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

A doberman pinscher.

by (few years ago!)

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "Whats that all about?"The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish.""Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him.The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didnt want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

Two big, buff, blonde guys were on the beach, trying their best to impress the local babes.

The first blonde dude said, "I'm not having much luck with the women here, pal.

The second blonde guy said, "Try putting a potato down in your swimming trunks. The babes will love that."

Three or four hours later, the first blonde dude remarked, "Hey man. I tried that potato trick you told me about, and it seems like I'm getting shunned even worse than before."

Said the second blonde dude, looking his bud over: "Uh, Dude! Try putting that potato down the FRONT of your trunks."

by (few years ago!)

Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. "What is it you have lost?" he asked.

"My watch," replied the drunk. "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement."

The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch. "Where exactly did you trip?" asked the passer-by.

"About half a block up the street," replied the drunk.

"Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?"

The drunk said: "Because the light's a lot better here."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep

by (few years ago!)

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.But I paid, don't you remember anys the customer

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched in the face."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it is damned near impossible.

by (few years ago!)
More wedding jokes ...

Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: "Yes dear".

This married couple were travelling down the highway at a very rapid pace, when a patrolman put on the siren and pulled them over. The officer said to the husband "Can I see your license and registration". The husband says " Why? I wasn't doing anything wrong.", The patrolman replies "Sir I caught you on radar at 110 kilos an hour and the sped limit is 80 in this zone, I'll have to give you a ticket." Well the husband goes nuts saying that he wasn't speeding and the patrolman should be out catching criminals instead harassing law abiding citizens that him and his wife. The patrolman is trying to reason with the husband when the wife leans over and looks at the patrolman and says "You'll have to excuse my husband, he always gets like this when he has been drinking"

by (few years ago!)
Irish and Scottish on Death Bed

A man was placed in intensive care, needles stuck everywhere, tubes running over his disease-ridden body like a spiders web, nearly comatose. A week later, a second man was put in the same room in very nearly the same condition.

Both men lay there, near death, machines pinging, oxygen tubes, puffing, monitors ding-donging, lights flashing. After a few days, one of the men summoned the strength to weakly raise his hand and catch the other mans attention. He pointed to himself and wheezed out,

The other man weakly pointed to himself and said, Paddy.

This act tired them both out so badly it was another day or two before they had the strength to try again. The first man weakly pointed to himself and murmured in almost inaudible tones, Scottish.

by (few years ago!)
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