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Blonde jokes

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick An Because red means Stop.

by (few years ago!) / 569 views
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Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

by (few years ago!)
Inspirational Office Slogans for the New Millennium - Part II

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Never quit until you have another job.

Work harder slaves!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

If you can read this, you're not working!

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile - It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

Pride, commitment, teamwork - words we use to get you to work for free.

Succeed in spite of management.

Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you drown a blonde?A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But Im a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly."Oh, Im sorry. I didnt know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, Ill show you how."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?""Sure," he replies. "Whats the problem?""Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I cant even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "Theres always a picture of what the puzzle is." "Its a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

by (few years ago!)
Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

One afternoon, a water pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber types of things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $500.

The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer."

The plumber quietly replied, "Neither did I, when I was a lawyer."

by (few years ago!)

Three men are sat around the camp fire, knocking back a few whiskeys and chewing the fat. The conversation soon turned to their animals as all the men owned dogs.

The first man said "My dog is called Woodworker. I'll show you why I chose the name. Go, Woodworker!" and with that the dog grabbed a log from the fire and began chewing it. Within minutes the dog had chewed out a beautiful figurine.

Not to be outdone, the second man said "Well, my dog is called Stoneworker, watch this." With that he instructed the dog who promptly fetched a rock over and began gnawing away at it. Within minutes the dog and carved out a beautiful stone figurine.

The third man smiled and said "Well my dog's called Ironworker". He put the poker into the fire and waited until the tip was glowing red hot.

"Now" he continued, "all I have to do is touch his balls with this and you watch him make a bolt for the door!

by (few years ago!)
Office English Dictionary

Blamestorming: Sitting around
in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was
Chainsaw Consultant: An
outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with
clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled
with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging: When someone
yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls
to see what's going on.
Ego Surfing: Scanning the
Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name.
Idea Hamsters: People who
always seem to have their idea generators running.
Keyboard Plaque: The
disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Mouse Potato: The online,
wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Ohnosecond: That minuscule
fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake.
Perot: To quit unexpectedly,
as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn
into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
Stands for Single Income,Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Squirt the Bird: To transmit
a signal to a satellite.
Starter Marriage: A
short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Stress Puppy: A person who
seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Swiped Out: An ATM or credit
card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive
Tourists: People who take
training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious
students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
Treeware: Hacker slang for
documentation or other printed material.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for
swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

by (few years ago!)
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