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Educational jokes

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

by (few years ago!) / 796 views
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Sport jokes

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ?Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A man walks into a supermarket and buys:

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner

The teenage blonde girl at the checkout counter looks at him and says, "Single, are you?"

The man replies very sarcastically, "How ever did you guess?"

The blonde replied, "Simple! Because you're ugly."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attemptsto earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, assoon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him anddrags him into his office. The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoos mostpopular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and thekeeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. Heoffers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until theycan get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit andenters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that its agreat job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun ofpeople and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires ofjust swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying moreattention to the lion in the cag e next to his. Not wanting tolose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top ofhis cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the topto the lions cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo-keepercomes and gives the mime a raise for being such a goodattraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps tauntingthe lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps goingup. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over thefurious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. Thelion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and roundthe cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime startsscreaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!" but the lion is quickand pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up atthe angry lion and the lion says, " Shut up you idiot! Do youwant to get us both fired?"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Customer: I think Ive got a bug in my computer.Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noise?Customer: Yes.Repairman: Then it must be a humbug!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But its a decent town and nobody really bothers him. One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars". All of the kids called out their guesses. One said "George Washington - because he was the father of our country." "Thats excellent" said the teacher. Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves." "Thats also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but still being polite. One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she saved France." Another excellent choice said the teacher. Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. nSo the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?" And Abraham said "Jesus Christ." The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "Im very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked Abraham why he said Jesus. Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who ever lived, but... business is business!"

by (few years ago!)
intelligent Dog

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI.
"Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.
" Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.
"Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course."
This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

"There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

by (few years ago!)
Wedding Jokes

Must be able to dig worms, clean, and cook fish.

Must have own boat with motor.

Please send the photograph of motorboat.

by (few years ago!)
Not So Saved by the Bell

The preacher was very distraught after the death of the bell ringer the day before and didn't know what to do. He began the search for another bell ringer. Many people tried, but none could match the talents of the bell ringer he had before.

Finally, when the priest had all but given up hope, an armless man came to apply for the job. The priest was ready to turn him away, how could an armless man do justice to the bells of his church?

The man pleaded with him and told him he was the brother of the man who died the day before. When the priest heard that he decided that out of respect for his brother he must allow him to try.

The man thanked the priest and began to throw his shoulder into the bell. The priest could hardly believe the wonderful tones coming from the bells. As the priest was about to appoint him the bell ringer the man ran once more for the bell. But this time he tripped and fell to his death on the street.

The priest ran out and a large crowd had gathered. Someone shouted ''Does any one know this man? ''

To which the priest replied, '' I don't know his name but he's a dead ringer for his brother''

by (few years ago!)

A man walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. He looks around, admiring the room and he soon notices that there are big lumps of meat hanging on the ceiling. He then says to the bartender, "Why have you got all this meat hanging around?''.
The barman says, 'It's a little bet that we are running. If you can jump up and grab a bit of meat in your mouth then you can have all of your drinks bought for you. If you fail then you have to buy everyone else in the bar their drinks for them. Are you going to have a try at it''. The man shakes his head and says to the bartender, "No, the stakes are to high." (stakes/steaks)

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller ?A computer with a lot of bites !

by (few years ago!)
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