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UNDER THE STREET LIGHT

Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. "What is it you have lost?" he asked.

"My watch," replied the drunk. "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement."

The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch. "Where exactly did you trip?" asked the passer-by.

"About half a block up the street," replied the drunk.

"Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?"

The drunk said: "Because the light's a lot better here."

by (few years ago!) / 517 views
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Similar Jokes

blonde jokes

There were three women waiting to be executed: A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. It was an old-fashioned execution. Of course, these women didn't want to die, so they needed a plan. The redhead said, "I have an idea. Follow my lead."

So, when it was time for the redhead's execution, the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words?" he asked. "No." she replied.

"Okay then. We're set. Ready. Aim ... "

"TORNADO!" the redhead yelled out, pointing. The gunmen all turned around, and she escaped!

The brunette and blonde saw this. So, when it was time for the brunette's execution, the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words?" he asked. "No." she replied. "Okay then. We're set. Ready. Aim ... "

"FLOOD!" the brunette yelled out, pointing. The gunmen all turned around, and she escaped, too!

Now the blonde understood this. So, when it was time for the blonde's execution, the man put on her blindfold and made her line up against a wall. "Do you have any last words?" he asked. "No." she replied. "Okay then. We're set. Ready. Aim ... "

"FIRE!" ...

by (few years ago!)
First client

After successfully passing the bar exam, a young man opened His own law office. One day he was sitting idle at His desk when His secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him.

Show him right in! the lawyer replied.

As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it and you tell them that we won`t accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don`t even call me until you agree to that amount!

Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?

I`m from the telphone company, Mr. Jones replied. I`m here to connect that phone.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident?A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Fatherasked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike."sighing deeply, she replied, "Thats exactly what he asked me aboutyou."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua? A short one!

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

A little girl was eating a doughnut on her way to church. Since she could not eat inside, she left it outside and she prayed," God, will you please watch my doughnut and not go anywhere else? Thank you!" Then she went inside. When the priest said," God is here, God is there, and God is everywhere!" The little girl said,” You are wrong! God is outside watching my doughnut!"


by (few years ago!)
THE STRATEGIST AT THE PEARLY GATES


A Democratic strategist assumes room temperature and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He's led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped.

St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops. All this fascinates the strategist but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks' second hands are moving faster than others.

St. Peter explains that every time someone tells a lie, which is a sin, they lose part of their life, so their clock's second hand ends up moving faster.

The Democratic strategist looks around but doesn't see Bill Clinton's clock, so he asks St. Peter where it is.

"Oh," answers St. Peter, "that's being used as a ceiling fan."

by (few years ago!)
Educational jokes:

The reception children were trying to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. "You need to use 'big people' words" she'd always remind them. She asked Wendy what she had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Joey what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo," he said. "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN, use big people words!" She then asked Eddie what he had done. "I read a book" he replied. "That's wonderful" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Eddie thought about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said "Winnie The Shit."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?A.) An air mattress

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun


The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job."

He says, "You have sinned." Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job.

The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."

by (few years ago!)
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