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Dog jokes

Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers? They have short tales!

by (few years ago!) / 713 views
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Saving Herself

This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.

"No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset

by (few years ago!)
THE TWO-BIT WHORE


A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A big, buff, and burly blonde man goes into the local drug store to buy some rubbers, so that he will be able to practice safe sex with his new girlfriend.

The blonde guy walks up to the pharmacist and asks, "How much for this box of rubbers?"

"Well, condoms are $1.00 for a box of three," the pharmacist replied. "Plus seven cents for the tax."

"Oh," said the blonde man, "I wondered how you kept them on."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

How do you fix a womans watch? - It doesnt matter. There is a clock on the oven.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Voice on telephone to man seated at his computer:
Thank you for calling the tech support hotline.
If your computer becomes obsolete while you're holding,
press 1 to reach our sales department

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 6

A FATHER: The man who has complete command, most of the time, of the dog.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

What is honeymoon? ANSWER: That brief span of time between, "I do" and "Youd better!"

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.

Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then." said God, "Let us see it Jesus fared any better."

Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.

Satan was astonished and stuttered, "But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckled and replied, "Jesus saves."

by (few years ago!)
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