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Dog jokes

Who is the dogs favourite comedian ?Growlcho Marx !

by (few years ago!) / 534 views
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Animal jokes

This guy had a parrot he trained to sing. Once he took the parrot to the bar and told everyone that if you put a match under the parrot's right foot he would sing Jingle Bells and if you put the match under his left foot he would sign White Christmas.

Of course the people in the bar wanted to see it. And, sure enough. He put a match under the parrot's right foot and he sang Jingle Bells. He put the match under the parrot's left foot, and low and behold, he sang White Christmas.

One guy asked him what would happen if he put a match between the parrot's legs. He answered, "I don't know. Try it and find out."

So, the guy put a match between the parrot's legs, and immediately the parrot began singing, "Chestnuts roasting...

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Will the father be present during the birth?"asked the obstetrician."Nah," replied the mother-to-be,"He and my husband dont get along."

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Doctor, I'm having that dream again," the patient said.

"Oh?" The shrink replies. "Which one?"

"The one where I'm into sadism, necrophilia, and beastiality. Should I be worried, or am I beating a dead horse?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.At halftime she was called down to answer questions to seeif she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11?She hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no im sorry thats incorrect.All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, giveher another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "ok how about 5 plus 5."She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance, give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance,what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says Give her another chance give her another chance!

by (few years ago!)
What's the difference between a dead dog...

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

by (few years ago!)
FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY


Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlour. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glas bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlour.

When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. "Miss Bea", he said, gesturing toward the bowl, " I wonder if you would tell me about this"

"Oh, yes", she replied, " Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know, I think it's working! I haven't had a cold all winter!"

by (few years ago!)
Yo Mama's So Dumb... Job Application

Yo' mama so dumb, when she filled out her job application and it said sex, she wrote not lately.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What should you do if you have a basset hound over for dinner? Have a short table!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts.... she gave me change!

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

by (few years ago!)
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