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Dog jokes

Who is the dogs favourite comedian ?Growlcho Marx !

by (few years ago!) / 542 views
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Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure Why, officer asks the blonde Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus

by (few years ago!)
The government cuts costs

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper

"Steve," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers."

To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother being gone."

by (few years ago!)
DOWN A DEEP HOLE


Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"

Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!

The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!".

So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Whats another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning label

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game that would be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the Heavenly Host and the devil's own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But I hope that you realize that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."

"I know, and that's all right." Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

by (few years ago!)
BILL TAKES A PLANE RIDE


One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, The Dali Lama, and a hippie.

Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you, you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

by (few years ago!)
A STRANGE STORY

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer. The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

by (few years ago!)
First client

After successfully passing the bar exam, a young man opened His own law office. One day he was sitting idle at His desk when His secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him.

Show him right in! the lawyer replied.

As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it and you tell them that we won`t accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don`t even call me until you agree to that amount!

Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?

I`m from the telphone company, Mr. Jones replied. I`m here to connect that phone.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 4

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror, taking a long hard look at herself.
"You know dear", she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive, to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment, thinking about it, and says in a soft, thoughtful voice. "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30, at Saint Elmo's memorial Chapel.

by (few years ago!)
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