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Dog jokes

What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road

by (few years ago!) / 619 views
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SOME THINGS YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN

A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked.

The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over."

"That's not so bad, what's the big deal?"

The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened?" the man asked again.

The farmer relenting, continued "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over."

"Again?"

The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."

" So, what did you do then?" then man asked, intrigued.

"I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocks over the bucket with her tail."

"Wow, you must have been pretty upset!" but that's no reason to just sit here getting all depressed."

The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So then what else did you do?" the man asked again.

"Well I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That's when my pants fell down and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain."

by (few years ago!)
Non Joking Ivorians

There is another team in the so-called group of death that hails from the continent of Africa.This team has players with special characters as well.

Many of these players honed their skills while running to school mostly barefooted as children.This aspect has worked to their advantage,such that they can outsprint a cheetah.This aspect of their game works for them such that when they get the ball,they end up leaving their opponents gasping for breath.

The only terrible aspect about it,is that they sometimes lose control of their braking system,so they find themselves running into people in the stands who are watching.

They also have well developed muscles.Their bulging muscular frames usually make someone think that some additional sort of material has been fixed inside their bodies.They resemble more of body builders than soccer players.

Thsi works to their advantage,because when an opponent just looks at their advancing frames,one usually leaves the ball alone and flees to the referee for refuge,so that he does not get hospitalised by the weird combination of speed and fridge-shaped bodies.

They acquire these types of physique by eating a double share of some traditional african food which contains some special properties than can bulge up the thinnest person to herculean proportions in just one day.

by (few years ago!)
I'm on the wrong bus joke text

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you recognize a blonde in school?A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

by (few years ago!)
Electric Train

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

by (few years ago!)
AVOIDING THE PUTDOWN

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"

The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."

The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb?A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps.

After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer. Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"

"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."

Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"

He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"

"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."

Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"

"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"

"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.He goes up to the girl and says, "Little girl, I think that its wonderful that youre doing such a good thing."The little girl says, "Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? Theyre Democrats."Bill declines and jogs onward. The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again. "You know what, little girl? I think Ill take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how theyre Democrats."The girl says, "Im sorry Mr. Clinton, but theyre not Democrats any more. Theyre Republican now."Bill says, "They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?"She says, "Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open."

by (few years ago!)
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