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Dog jokes

What did the dog get when he multiplied 497 by 684?The wrong answer.

by (few years ago!) / 614 views
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Dog jokes

What dog always gets on everyones nerves? A great pane!

by (few years ago!)
Husband & Wife joke

Husband & Wife - Problem Father

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father."

"But that's wonderful," I said.

"What's wonderful? My wife

doesn't know about it yet."


Husband & Wife - Why ?



Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

Why, Dad ?

Why,me?

Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."


Husband & Wife - Same Service



A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counselor.

"You're still getting the same service!"


Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband



One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"


Husband & Wife - Come Home Late



A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out:

"Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.

"Cured him ?"

asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wifehired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were infact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that.She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, butto see if I could find out what she saw in ya."

by (few years ago!)
SURELY NOT MORE BIZARRE REAL LIFE ANIMAL LAWS

In North Carolina, it is against the law to use elephants to plow cotton fields.

In New York City, one is forbidden from shooting rabbits from the back end of a Third Avenue streetcar when it is moving.

In Kansas, people cannot shoot rabbits while in a motorboat.

In Statesville, North Carolina, it is against the law to race rabbits in the streets.

In Tuscumbia, Alabama, no more than eight rabbits can reside on the same block.

A law in Detroit, Michigan, prohibits crocodiles from being tied to a fire hydrant.

Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York.

In Baltimore, Maryland, it is necessary to document any services performed by a jackass.

In Ohio, it is against the law to set a fire under your mule if it balks.

In Arkansas, if your 2-year-old mule runs wild and is unclaimed within 2 days, anyone may castrate the animal.

In Marshalltown, Iowa, a horse will be breaking the law if it eats a fire hydrant.

People can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog in Oklahoma.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

In Tulsa, Oklahoma, dogs are prohibited from going on private property unless the owner gives his consent first.

In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.

Dogs are strictly forbidden from riding in ambulances in Westport, Massachusetts.

Wallace, Idaho, decreed it is unlawful for anyone to sleep in a dog kennel.

In Clawson, Michigan, a law specifically makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. But the animals may not be in the house after sunup or during the day.

Florida has a law prohibiting the transporting of livestock on school buses.

If you live in Franklin, Kentucky, you can't legally trade horses after dark.

In Alabama, no mules can be traded after supper when the sun has already gone below the horizon. And in Idaho, you can't buy or sell chickens after sundown without the sheriff's permission.

It is illegal to lasso a catfish in Tennessee and the state of Washington.

In Seattle, goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they keep still.

You cannot shoot fish with a bow and arrow in Louisville, Kentucky. And you cannot shoot fish with a gun in the state of Washington or in Hazelhurst, Mississippi.

It's against the law to get a fish drunk in Oklahoma.

In Kansas, you cannot fish with your bare hands, while in the state of Washington, you can't catch a fish by throwing a rock at it.

by (few years ago!)
Dwarf's Mate

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two hookers and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I Simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!"

by (few years ago!)
THE TWO-BIT WHORE


A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.""Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, Where do you live? Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guys house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guys wife comes to the door. The man says, Hello, Ive brought your husband home. The wife looks at the man and asks, Wheres his wheel chair?

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game."Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldnt understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.""What on earth do you mean???""Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was:Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why was the blondes belly button sore ?A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

by (few years ago!)
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