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Dog jokes

Whens the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.

by (few years ago!) / 905 views
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Men jokes

Men are like remote controls.Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

by (few years ago!)
Jokers back and badder then ever (uncut version reviewed)

Pros: a great movie
Cons: cut and uncut versions?

I got Batman Beyond Return of the Joker uncut about a year ago when I found it in the bargain bin, I picked it up of course. Now after sitting down and watching the first season of Batman Beyond I decided to sit down and watch it again. Now if you’re ...

by (few years ago!)
Wedding Jokes

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up,

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.

Microsoft believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches. While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time it's used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, un-interruptable Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.

Microsoft CEO, Bill Gates, is optimistic and recently said, "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut. After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marleys head."How you like it?" asked the barber. "Real fine," said the redneck. "But how bout making it a little longer in the back?"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

by (few years ago!)
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR


A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter... where did you get it?"

The guy replies "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

"You are granted one wish" says the genie.

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

by (few years ago!)
GRADING THE ESSAYS


A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was "$100 = 100% - I get an A."

A month later, the student approached the professor. "I don't understand," he said. "I failed the course. Didn't you read my final?" The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase "$50 = 50% - You fail

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blond skydiver?A: She missed the Earth

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

Then, they get to see where they're going to live. The Pope gets what everyone else gets, a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18-room mansion with servants and a swimming pool.

At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a kosher TV dinner, and the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.

by (few years ago!)
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