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Dog jokes

What kind of dog does a dracula like? - A: A Bloodhound.

by (few years ago!) / 629 views
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THOSE NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY PETS

A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".

As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"

The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."

The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."

The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?""Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?""They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?""Nothing.""Nothing?""Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?""How do I tell?""Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?""Whats a sea-prompt?""Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?""There isnt any cursor, I told you, it wont accept anything I type.""Does your monitor have a power indicator?""Whats a monitor?""Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on?""I dont know.""Well then, look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?""Yes, I think so.""Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if its plugged into the wall.""... ...Yes, it is.""When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?""No.""Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.""... ...Okay, here it is.""Follow it for me, and tell me if its plugged securely into the back of your computer.""I cant reach.""Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?""No.""Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?""Oh, its not because I dont have the right angle - its because its dark.""Dark?""Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming i n from the window.""Well, turn on the office light then.""I cant.""No? Why not?""Because theres a power outage.""A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, weve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?""Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.""Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.""Really? Is it that bad?""Yes, Im afraid it is.""Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?""Tell them youre too stupid to own a computer."

by (few years ago!)
Bush jokes about daughter's wedding

President Bush jokes about daughter Jenna's wedding

Says planning May 10 event requires diplomacy

President says film "Father of the Bride" is required watching

by (few years ago!)
Now what?

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
"I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months."
"Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked.
She responded, "It's the best way I can learn which ones I can do without."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

Why do women have smaller feet than men It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen?Eat out.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?Hide their trainers.

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married,but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got toheaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them toget married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life,and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it andagreed, but said they would have to wait.It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent forthem. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things wenton, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,that eternity was best not spent together. They went back toSt. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, butnow we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is thereany way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter."It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marryyou. I will never get a lawyer!"

by (few years ago!)
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