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Computer jokes

If Operating Systems Were Airlines

DOS Air: Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane
push it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when it hits
the ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop
on, jump off...

Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the
same, talk the same, and act the same. When you ask them questions
about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need
to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Windows Airlines: The terminal is neat and clean, the attendants
courteous, the pilots capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier
operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushes above
the clouds and, at 20,000 feet, explodes without warning.

OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty - only a few prospective
passengers mill about. The announcer says that a flight has just
departed, although no planes appear to be on the runway. Airline
personnel apologize profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing
from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside. They tell each
passenger how great the flight will be on these new jets and how much
safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but they will have to wait a
little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe
until mid-2005. Maybe longer.

by (few years ago!) / 594 views
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Computer jokes

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the store owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner.
"3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

by (few years ago!)
Men Vs. Women Jokes

Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Theres this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parishwho kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, Ill quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someonewho had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until thepriest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priestarrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks intown. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking abouthaving fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the newpriest about the code word.Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger atthe mayor and said, "I dont know what youre l aughing about, yourwife fell three times this week."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?" asked the clerk.

The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh ... I'd better go check."

After a while, the blonde man returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Quite a number of years ago, Abraham wanted to upgrade his PC to Windows 95.

Isaac was incredulous. "Pop," he said, "you can't run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 MB of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95."

But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, "God will provide the RAM, my son."


by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What can save a dying blonde?A: Hair transplants.

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Political jokes

Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals. On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick An Because red means Stop.

by (few years ago!)
Job Interview

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer.

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What are the blondes first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"

by (few years ago!)
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