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Computer jokes

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'.

by (few years ago!) / 510 views
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Laxative Cough Therapy

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and he always gets the orders wrong. His boss tells him if he screws up one more time, he is fired.

An old man walks in and orders cough syrup. He can't find any so he gives him a laxative instead. The man takes the laxative and leaves the store. The boss comes up and asks why he gave the man a laxative in place of cough syrup. He points towards the old man who is suddenly leaning on a lightpost and says, "Look at him -- he's afraid to cough."

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THE CHARM OFFENSIVE


This guy arrives home to find his wife waiting for him by the door. "And what time do you call this," she starts angrily, "You went down to the take away three hours ago, and now you stagger back here stinking of booze, with no food!"

"Look," the guy responds calmly, "How do you fancy a chicken vindaloo, rice, bombay potatoes, and a chapatti?"

"Oh, all right then." his now really hungry wife agrees.

"Fine." He says, and throws up all over her!

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PLASTIC SURGERY

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."


* * *


Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love."

"Well," said the other woman," that will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!"

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Women jokes

Why is a modem better than a woman? A: A modem doesnt mind if you talk to other modems. A modem doesnt complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. A modem will sit patiently and wait by the phone. A modem comes with an instruction manual.

by (few years ago!)
Dyn o mite

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, 'See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!' She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, 'See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!' She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, 'Why are you in such a hurry to go?' She replies, 'With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!'

by (few years ago!)
Two IT Guys

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

"Well, I invited her over to mine, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off."

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

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"Really? You got a new laptop?"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy ?"I must throw that doggie out the window !"!

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the store owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner.
"3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

by (few years ago!)
JESUS IS WATCHING YOU


A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search.

Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.

He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."

He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses."

The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"

The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".

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Dog jokes

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