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Computer jokes

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'.

by (few years ago!) / 518 views
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Similar Jokes

Blonde Finally Wins

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game.

The blonde, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention; and figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question:

"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "it's your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs but comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references--no answer.

He taps into the airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress--no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde says "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

by (few years ago!)
THE PROPOSITION


A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."

He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.

He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A woman stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling her tank, she paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As she stood by her car to drink her cola, she watched a couple of blonde men working along the roadside.

One blonde man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other blonde man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the lady with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the woman, tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," she said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, lady," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there are three of us - me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back. Now just because Rodney is sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work."

by (few years ago!)
The Carrot

A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but decides against it
On the next day, the same guy with a carrot in his ear goes to the same bar and orders a drink. Again, the bar tender wants to say something about the carrot but doesn't The 3rd day the same guy and the same carrot go to the bar and order a drink. As the bar tender serves the man he can't stand it anymore. He says to the patron, "Hey, you know you've got a carrot in your ear The patron says to the bartender I can't hear you! I've got a carrot in my ear.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A. Blonde I dont know. Why Teller It was easier to spell.Blonde Easier than what

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"

by (few years ago!)
TWO TEXANS


Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no.

He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customers table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know thats the first time in ten years weve been out of rye bread!"

by (few years ago!)
FALSE ECONOMY

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says,

"What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Hey, you just shot my wife.Im so sorry, have a shot at mine !

by (few years ago!)
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