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Computer jokes

An application was for employment; a program was a TV show; a cursor used profanity; a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something you lost with age; a CD was a bank account; a hard drive was a long road trip.
A web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu!

by (few years ago!) / 876 views
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Similar Jokes

A NEW NAVIGATION TECHNIQUE

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out.

He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with a guy working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"

The man replies, "You're in an airplane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a perfect blind landing on the airport runway 5 miles away.
Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

"Quite easy," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."

by (few years ago!)
Investigating a terrible accident

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Lets have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.""No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the cars braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.""Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

by (few years ago!)
Why Studying Is Better Than Sex

10. You can usually find someone to do it with.

9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.

8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.

7. When you open a book, you dont have to worry about who else has opened it.

6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.

5. If you dont finish a chapter you wont gain a reputation as a book teaser.

by (few years ago!)
BAR JOKES -

A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. "Get that pig out of here!" yelled the bartender.
"That's not a pig, stupid!" she replied, "That's a duck!"
"I know!" said the bartender, "I was talking to the duck!"

by (few years ago!)
Where Babies Come From

One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.

Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingie sort of stands up, and then Mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."

Her mum shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies... That's how you get jewellery."

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the pathof a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me yourmoney", he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - Im a UnitedStates Congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage studies findings

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Didnt you hear me call you?Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!

by (few years ago!)
Bar Joke of the day

Each day, we post a free, clean, and hilarious joke of the day! For today's joke, see below! To laugh tomorrow and in the future, bookmark this page using

by (few years ago!)
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