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U.P.S and Fed-EX are merging. There going to call it Fed-Up

by (few years ago!) / 579 views
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Judo Tournament

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here".

"Yes", snickered the Devil, "but I have all the referees

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "Ill bet you $10 hell jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he wont," said the second guy.Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money."I cant take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five oclock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five oclock news too. I just didnt think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use.Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one weve got or dont use any at all.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "Whats that all about?"The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish.""Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him.The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didnt want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"

by (few years ago!)
FIVE WHISKEY SHOTS

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make 'em doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served.

Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have.", said the man.

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man drunkenly replies, "I have a dollar."

by (few years ago!)
SO CORNY IT HURTS!


A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

by (few years ago!)
Toilet Paper

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde.

The brunette says in a disgusted voice, Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, Ill go get some toilet paper.

After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh.

The redhead says, Whats so funny?

The blonde says, Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!

by (few years ago!)
Job Titles Descriptions

Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

by (few years ago!)
BAR JOKES - WALKE IN A BAR

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks. "Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "When joo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

by (few years ago!)
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