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So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for
Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

by (few years ago!) / 532 views
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Computer jokes

Whats the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something

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Professions Fight

Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, I think Ill get up and get a coke.

No problem, says the attorney, Im by the aisle. Ill get it for you.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, youll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!

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Men jokes

Men are like shag carpets.Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.

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Animal jokes

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, Im making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I cant stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then youll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I cant stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you dont like factories and wont work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

by (few years ago!)
Eunichs

A lady on the airplane strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting in the next seat, "..and where are you going?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to a Unix convention," he replies.

"Eunuchs convention?" she questions. "I didn't know there were that many of you."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

Complaint letter from Aimee:

Us blonds at the offise are sew tired of awl of the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supreme cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.

We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so offen a read head joke.

If we don't get our way, we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.

Sined by the blonds at the offise

(Pleese sine with a pensil so you can erace it if you make a mistake.)

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. "Here we go again."

by (few years ago!)
Joking Jelly

The crack products are a powerful, eye-catching item that draws a smile and response
from anyone who sees them. Crack products are made out of actual sports balls
Inner packing: order to creates a realistic 3-D look. The concept of a ball that
looks like it has gone halfway through the glass is so realistic that people
must get closer to see it. Once they see it, they want it.

Applications: smooth surfaces, car and truck windows, glass doors, mirrors, computer
monitors, storefronts, home or office decorations

by (few years ago!)
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