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Animal jokes

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline for advice. The Psychic tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."

by (few years ago!) / 610 views
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Religious jokes

How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer Jokes

Here are a few of my favorite attorney and lawyer jokes. I might add another ones later as well, this is just a beginning.

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?
Three - one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Where do footballers dance ?At a football !

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage - 6

'Are you married?'
'No, I've always been round-shouldered.'

by (few years ago!)
Great news for Bill Gates

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.

Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Secondly, you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 95.

by (few years ago!)
Mental Release

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

"Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Marvelous," said the head of the institution.

"Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."

"Absolutely," said the head.

"Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution."

"An interesting possibility," said the head.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."

by (few years ago!)
Bush Jokes About Daughter’s Texas Wedding

President Bush has started joking about the worst kept secret in the White House: the May 10 wedding in Central Texas of his daughter, Jenna.

Mr. Bush said Wednesday he's had to face some very difficult spending decisions and conduct what he calls "sensitive diplomacy."

"That's called planning for a wedding,” he said.

Mr. Bush's line got a laugh from his audience at the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce in Washington.

Jenna and her finance, Henry Hager, have decided to be wed at the first family's ranch near Crawford.

The White House has refused to release any details such as the setting on the ranch, who's invited and how many people will attend.

Mr. Bush's wife, Laura, has described the soon-to-be married couple as "soul mates" and has said the president likes Hager, a former commerce Department staffer who’s in the MBA program at Virginia’s Darden School.

He has an undergraduate degree from Wake Forest University.

The two have been dating for several years.

Hager’s father is a former lieutenant governor of Virginia and serves as chairman of the state’s Republican party.

The Central Texas Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure will be moved up one week from May 10 to May 3 because the original date fell on the same day as the wedding.

Thousands of runners and walkers participate in the local race, which started in 2001.

But hotel and motel space are likely to be at a premium on the weekend of the wedding, and because many officials may be in town for the ceremony, security may also be an issue.

by (few years ago!)
When lawyers die, why don't vultures them?

When lawyers die, why don't vultures them?

Even a vulture has taste.

by (few years ago!)
A Pretty What!

Bob Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty pussy."

"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.

Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pussy!"

The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina.

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

There were these three guys, a Jewish guy, an Italian guy, and a blonde guy. They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day, they meet together and say that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early, too.

The boss leaves and so did they. The Jewish guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start the next morning. The Italian guy goes home and cooks dinner. The blonde guy goes home and walks to his bedroom. He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss, so he shuts the door and leaves.

The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are talking about going home early again. They ask the blonde guy if he wants to leave early again and he says, "No." They ask him why not, and he says, "Because yesterday I almost got caught!"

by (few years ago!)
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