Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

A LITTLE MONKEY BUSINESS

A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please".

The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey, most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shop keeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff."

The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000.

He gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

"Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it actually does anything, but says it's a Consultant.

by (few years ago!) / 602 views
(Not Rated Yet)
 

Similar Jokes

kid jokes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.Yes.

by (few years ago!)
THE MAILMAN


The mail carrier had a registered letter that needed a signature for a party on his route. Receiving no response to his knock on the front door, he went around to the back door which he found open, except for the screen door. He knocked. A high pitch voice from inside said, "Come in."

Upon entering the kitchen, he was confronted by the largest German Shepard he had ever seen. The dog bared his fangs menacingly, forcing the mail man against the wall. The mail man shouted, "Lady, call off you dog before he eats me alive."

The only response he got was that same high pitch voice coming from the next room saying, "Come in."

Pressing his body against the wall, he slowly worked his way to the door way leading to the next room. Looking around, he saw the room was empty, except for a parrot in a cage. After the threat from the huge dog, he was becoming quite irate and said to the parrot.

"Darn you, don't you know any words besides 'Come in?"

Without a moments hesitation the parrot responded, "Sic him!

by (few years ago!)
FALSE ECONOMY

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says,

"What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender repliesn Same as what I'm doing to his business.

by (few years ago!)
FIRE ENGINE

As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine,
"If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A man wrote a letter to the IRS: “I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $200.00. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

What did the ruthless businessman say to his employees? If at first you dont succeed - youre fired!

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it wont see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "Whats the matter with you? Why are you hiding? Youve got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac? The motorway replies, "You dont know him like I do. Hes a cyclepath."

by (few years ago!)
THREE ENGLISHMEN...


These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman in this one bar.

"Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading over toward the guy, "I hear that St Patrick was a shirt lifter."

"Really." Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink.

With that the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and I hear he was a pervert too."

"Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds.

"I know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman, staggering toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was really an Englishman?"

The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so your mates were telling me."

by (few years ago!)
bu

Job Application:

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ‘‘thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.''
"And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.

"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicants inquired.

''Simple,'' said the department manager, ''Your fellow applicant put down on question..5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'''

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes

Dictaphone

Money Needed

EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Train

Blonde jokes

QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAIS..

Blonde jokes

.
ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\lol101.com\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context