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WEST VIRGINIA


Two West Virginia lawyers hired a secretary from a small town in the hills. She was attractive, but it was obvious that she knew nothing about city life.

One attorney said to the other, "Mary is so young and pretty she might be taken advantage of by some of those fast-talking city guys. Why don't we teach her what's right and what's wrong?"

"Great idea," said the partner. You teach her what's right."

by (few years ago!) / 853 views
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRUNK WHEN...

• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

• Job interfering with your drinking.

• Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

• Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

• Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

• Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

• You can focus better with one eye closed.

• The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

• Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

• Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

• Mosquitoes get a buzz after attacking you

• At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

• Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

• You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.

• The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didnt have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, For the sick."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

What about the blonde couple that gave birth to twins?

Her blonde husband is currently out looking for the other man.
Some guys are just born losers. A blonde fellow at my job was all worked up about this hot girl he had dated twice before. But today, he had stated that it was all over. So, I asked him why.

The blonde guy said, "Well, on our last date, we went over to her apartment, and she turned all the lights out after dinner. So, I got up and left, because I can take a hint just as well as the next guy

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?A: Shes the one on her bike

by (few years ago!)
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter... where did you get it?"

The guy replies "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

"You are granted one wish" says the genie.

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When Im dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."Wife: "No, I cant marry anyone after you."Johnson: "But I want you to."Wife: "But why?"Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A big, buff, and burly blonde man goes into the local drug store to buy some rubbers, so that he will be able to practice safe sex with his new girlfriend.

The blonde guy walks up to the pharmacist and asks, "How much for this box of rubbers?"

"Well, condoms are $1.00 for a box of three," the pharmacist replied. "Plus seven cents for the tax."

"Oh," said the blonde man, "I wondered how you kept them on."

by (few years ago!)
computer jokes

Quite a number of years ago, Abraham wanted to upgrade his PC to Windows 95.

Isaac was incredulous. "Pop," he said, "you can't run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 MB of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95."

But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, "God will provide the RAM, my son."


by (few years ago!)
A burglar is in big trouble

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"

To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why are blondes like corn flakes?A: Because theyre simple, easy and they taste good.

by (few years ago!)
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