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How many programmers?

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem!

by (few years ago!) / 545 views
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Business jokes

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.The ensigns efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure th e captain is aboard before getting under way!"

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?A. The thought had never entered his head before.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

You're in a cage with a really big, mean bear and a lawyer. You have a gun, but you only two bullets. What do you do?

You shoot the lawyer twice, because the bear is the least of your problems.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Youre new here arent you, whats your name?Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?A: A dependent Claus.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Whats the difference between a lawyer and an onion?You cry when you cut up an onion.

by (few years ago!)
You can't bring that dog in this bar

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua

by (few years ago!)
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR


A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter... where did you get it?"

The guy replies "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

"You are granted one wish" says the genie.

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Customer: "Hi, Im supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 Oclock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldnt jump.Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I cant take this, youre my friend."But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bets a bet."Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 Oclock news, so I cant take your money."The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didnt think he would jump again!"

by (few years ago!)
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