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How many programmers?

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem!

by (few years ago!) / 582 views
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computer jokes

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows 98. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill asked, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?" wondered Gates. "I'll leave that up to you." Answered St. Peter. "Okay then." said Bill. "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming among hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?" St. Peter asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this is happening. What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?"

"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How does a man show hes planning for the future?A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

by (few years ago!)
ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE


A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.

Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis.
The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican replied, "No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didnt get taller girls?

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!!As we aint got no programin experience, this here Virus works on the honor system.Please delete all the files on your hard drive, and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.Thanks for your cooperation.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you cant remember).C

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a snake crawl under a bush and went over to it. The other youngster couldn't figure out why his friend was staying by the bush so long since the snake had disappeared.

The other boy went over to the bush to check it out. The first boy pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam. So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.

All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away. The second boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I cant find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?""Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

by (few years ago!)
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