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THE NAME'S BLONDE... DUMB BLONDE!

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? An IN-body experience!
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common? You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Why don't blondes eat Jello? They can't figure out how to get two cups of wate
r into those little packages.

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
What will a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles.

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Cause their balls show!
Why do blondes drive BMWs?\
It's the only car name they can spell.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces herself.
How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

by (few years ago!) / 691 views
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Your Age in Chocolate

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway--but the Hershey Man will know!

It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ...

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 .... If you haven't, add 1755.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e, how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

by (few years ago!)
THE MAGICAL DANCING DUCK

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"



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Dog jokes

Who is the dogs favourite comedian ?Growlcho Marx !

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You know you are in a Texas church when

People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.

The restrooms are outside.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

When it rains, everyone is smiling.

Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.

The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale".

The pastor wears boots.

Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

Baptism is referred to as "branding".

There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.

People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy.

The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"

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office jokes

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," the foreman announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" the foreman asked the tenth man. "Too much trouble," came the reply.

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Business jokes

Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - now he owes fifty-five million.

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Sports jokes

No one ever says: "It's only a game,"
when their team is winning.

Overheard in doctor's waiting room:

I used to watch golf on televison,
but my doctor said that I needed more exercise.
So now I watch tennis

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Good & bad lawyers

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer

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Dog jokes

Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didnt! They found me!

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Blonde jokes

Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?A. She kept throwing out all the Ws.

by (few years ago!)
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