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THE NAME'S BLONDE... DUMB BLONDE!

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? An IN-body experience!
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common? You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Why don't blondes eat Jello? They can't figure out how to get two cups of wate
r into those little packages.

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
What will a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles.

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Cause their balls show!
Why do blondes drive BMWs?\
It's the only car name they can spell.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces herself.
How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

by (few years ago!) / 654 views
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Similar Jokes

ARRIVING AT THE PEARLY GATES


Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment.

The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations."

St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer.

by (few years ago!)
LIFE AS A MOLE

A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!"

The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!"

The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses...."

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"Sam: "I dont know."Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"

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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

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Business jokes

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.The ensigns efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure th e captain is aboard before getting under way!"

by (few years ago!)
LOADED THREATS

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde screams back at the husband, "Shut up! You're next!"

by (few years ago!)
ANY LAST REQUESTS


Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

A little boy went to his teacher to tell her he found a frog.
The teacher asked if it was alive or dead.
The little boy said that it was dead.
The teacher asked how he knew.
The boy said , "I pissed in its ear."
The teacher said, "You what?"
He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'psst!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

by (few years ago!)
THE TIRED OLD GENIE DOES A FINAL WISH

truck driver was tooling down the highway one afternoon and heard a "pop." Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he steered the rig onto the shoulder and walked back to check his tires.
He found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out.

The genie said, "Man, I'm too old for this! You get one wish -- not three -- just one."

The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, "It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble."

The genie said, "Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can't you come up with something simpler?"

The driver replied, "How about if you make all the blondes as smart as brunettes?"

The genie shook his head vigorously and answered, "How wide would you like those bridges?"

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Dog jokes

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?The tomato was in a can.

by (few years ago!)
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