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EQUAL RIGHTS


Two guys are sat at the bar. The first one says, "My wife should be on the plane now."

"Sounds nice" the other replied, "Where's she going?"

"Nowhere" says the first, "She's fitting a new bedroom door!"

by (few years ago!) / 539 views
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Similar Jokes

Blonde jokes

A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help. "What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me." "Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."She says, "Its ceramic tile."

by (few years ago!)
FRIVILOUS LAW SUITS BY US JAILBIRDS

A Virginia inmate tried to sue himself for $5 million on the grounds that he had gotten drunk and caused himself to violate his religious beliefs by committing a crime. Because he had no money, he wanted the state to pay the $5 million.

* * *

A San Quentin death row inmate sued California, claiming his civil rights were violated because his packages were sent via UPS rather than the U.S. Postal Service.

* * *

An Oklahoma inmate alleged his religious freedoms were violated but could not say just how, because the main tenet of his faith was that all its practices were secret.

* * *

A Nevada inmate sued when he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter at the Nevada State Prison canteen and received one chunky and one creamy.

* * *

An Ohio inmate sued for being denied possession of soap on a rope.

* * *

A convicted New York rapist sued the state, claiming he lost sleep and suffered headaches and chest pains after being given a "defective haircut" by an unqualified barber.

* * *

An Oklahoma inmate sued because he was forced to listen to country music.

* * *

An Arizona inmate sued when he was not invited to a pizza party that prison employees held for a guard leaving his job.

* * *

A Colorado con sued for early release because "everyone knows a con only serves about three years of a 10-year sentence."

* * *

An Indiana prisoner sued because he wanted to obtain Regain for his baldness.


by (few years ago!)
ANOTHER PEARLY GATES VARIATION


Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker. The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself.

Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important. God looked to Al and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand".

God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most. Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important. God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand".

God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly. God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?"

Bill Gates responded " I think you are sitting in my chair"

by (few years ago!)
Making The Grade

A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
A student comes to a young professors office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... anything!!!"

He returns her gaze. "Anything???"

"Yes...Anything!!!"

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree. Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices. Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it after New Years.

by (few years ago!)
APPLIED MATHEMATICS


The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
4 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals,
so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons.
That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day!

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Tysons psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didnt say two!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"The girl says, "I dont like this song, but even if I did, I wouldnt dance with you."The guy says, "Im sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

by (few years ago!)
The Millennium Kid

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, ''Congratulations sir, You're the father of twins.''

''What a coincidence,'' the man said with some obvious pride. ''I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.''

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, ''You sir, are the father of triplets.''

''Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence '' he answered. ''I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turn to the thirrd man -- who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Stunned, he barely could reply. ''Don't tell me! Another coincidence?'' asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said ''I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!''
After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly regained consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.

''I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... ''I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... ''I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers...''

by (few years ago!)
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